Lola Crush & Other Stuff [Nathan Sykes]

Cabbages, Crashes & College

As I started to reach the Brighton Fruit & Veg shop, I finally realised.

WHAT ARE FIGS?

What on God Christian Buddhist Earth are figs?

I took my phone out again and dialled Tahnee’s number, her mum was a massive health freak, so she was bound to know what they are.

“HEY!” Tahnee screamed.

“Someone’s a bit happy today?”

“YES! I’m with HIM actually.”

“And who may that HIM be?” I said, expressing the ‘him’.

“Harry Styles is his name! He's curl haired and funny! How superbly! ” Tahnee said in her posh impersonation.

“Superbly? That’s new.”

“It’s my word of the day, don’t judge me. HAZ STOP.” Oh God.

“Tahnee Emilia Harris what on EARTH are you doing?!”

“Don’t worry Lola, it’s nothing like that, we’re at the ice-cream shop and I’m trying to stop him from paying!”

“Well anyway, I just need to know what figs are.”

“Oh right, just look for the brown, circle things. Depends if you’re getting fresh or dried figs though. If they’re fresh, they’ll be smooth, if you’re getting dried figs, look for the shrively things.”

“Okay, shrively things, got it.” By now, I was already inside the shop, and boy was this place busy.

“Anyhow, what’s with you, you’re not as...singy, shall I say.”

“Well, it’s raining, you know I’m always sad when it’s raining.”

“Aw come on just give me a little song.”

I was just about to sing while vigorously searching for those figs when a thought randomly popped into my head.

Dried fresh dried fresh dried fresh fresh dried dried fresh.

Dried? Or fresh?

I decided I might as well just start singing.

“I’m in a dilemmaaaaaaaaaaaa! Dried figs or fresh figsssssss? On this rainyyyy dayyyyyy, you should eat someeeeeee hayyyyy! I’m depressed on this rainyyyyy dayyyyyyy! WHO’S DAT LONER OVA DER? WHO’S DAT LONER OVA DER? IT’S LOLAAAAA!” By now, half the shop, which consisted of elderly ladies out on Sunday shopping, was staring at me.

“Woohoo! You just made my day Lola Crush.” Tahnee started cheering on the other side of the line.

“Why thanks you, Tahnee Harris.”

“Anyway, great talking. Fun fun fun. But I have to go, see you tomorrow. We’re still on for tomorrow morning with the girls right?”

“Oh my I completely forgot we’ve got school tomorrow! Um, yeah 7:30 BE THERE OR BE SQUARE! Haha how funny!”

“Um yeah okay. BYE LOLA LOVE YOU MWAH!”

“Enjoy you’re date MWAH.”

Okay figs time.

“TIME TO GET FIGSICAL!” Oh god did I just say that out loud?

Yep, I did.

Here’s another replay of ‘stare at that freak Lola’.

So after about 5 minutes of wandering around the shop helplessly looking for those stupid figs, I decided to ask someone where they were.

WOAH THERES A SHOCKING IDEA.