always have been, always will be | jensoo

Loved and Lost

I knocked three quick knocks on the door before I lost the nerve to. I'm pretty sure my knees aren't actual bone anymore, instead replaced with a strange, gelatinous substance that was hardly holding me up.

I almost feel like throwing up from nerves, and that's what I'm thinking when the door swings open. A tall, older man is standing in the spot I expected Jisoo to be.

"Can I help you?"

"Um...maybe. Is Kim Jisoo here?"

He looks a bit puzzled. "I'm Jisoo's father."

I frown at this, looking the man up and down. Jisoo never had a father, atleast not while I was around. And I was around a long time. He was just never mentioned. "Jisoo...uh, she never talked about you."

"I wouldn't imagine that she would." He smiles, and I find that his eyes are kind. "It's a long story, but...sorry, but I didn't catch your name."

"Sorry. It's Jennie. Jennie Kim. It's nice to meet you, I guess." I stick out my hand and he gives it a firm shake, sounding surprised at the mention of my name.

"You're Jennie?"

"Uh, yes?"

He nods slowly, taking this in. Now I'm almost positive Jisoo has talked to him about me, which gives me a giddy shot of hope.

"You two haven't seen each other in quite a while, if I'm not mistaken."

"You're not..." I glance at my shoes, then take a deep breath. "Is she here?" I ask in a timid voice.

"Jisoo doesn't live here anymore. She moved out a while ago, actually."

Damn. "Oh..."

"I take it you need the address." He caught the way my face fell.

"That would be really great if you could."

He pulls a pen out of his front pocket, clicking it and glancing around for something to write on before I offer him my hand.

He looks at me, amused, and gingerly starts writing on my palm. "It's just down the street a ways, you can't miss it. Cute little duplex, kind of pricey if you ask me, but they seem to like it."

"That's nice." I respond. Wait. "They?"

"Jisoo and Soojin." He peeks up from his handwriting and sees my face, then suddenly appears to realize he released a crucial bit of information.

"Soojin?"

"Soojin, Jisoo's girlfriend."

My blood runs cold for a split second, then beings to boil at a rapid pace. "Jisoo has a girlfriend."

"Mhm." Mr. Kim tries to sound casual, but he's taken note of my reaction. He puts his pen back in his pocket. "Nice girl."

"I bet." I set my jaw, trying to smile at him. I fail miserably. "Well, I'm going to go ahead and...head over there. Say hi."

"It was great to meet you, Jennie. I'm sure Jisoo's going to be very surprised to see you."

"That's the idea."

I sat on my bed for hours, pouring over pictures of Jisoo and I, back when things weren't so damn unbearable. I don't know why I did it, maybe a part of me enjoyed the pain. I convinced myself it was a cleansing ritual, something that had to be done.

Heartbreak isn't fun, especially when it's been over a decade coming. I wanted to go to Jisoo, give her all I had. Just let her have it, and let her leave me again. Because I convinced myself I could handle it, if I could just have her. For one night, atleast.