chapter 4

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I opened my eyes to the sound of my phone ringing. I looked at my phone and found that it was mother and I knew exactly why she was calling at three in the morning. If I did not answer she'd keep on calling and if I silenced my phone or turned it off, she would just show up at my front door and she'd somehow get the door open. Determination was one of the things I did not mind sharing with my mother and one of the few that made me respect her. I answered the phone.

"Hello mother, how lovely to hear from you at this ungodly hour." I said with all the sarcasm I could master."

"I did not call you at this time to listen to you get sarcastic." I could hear a Spanish accent loud and clear meaning that she was quite on edge, that made me happy and scared at the same time because things could get pretty bad on my side.

"I called you to tell you that you will go live first thing tomorrow morning and apologize to the whole family and you will say that all you said yesterday was a lie, that you are sorry for slapping your father."

"Why would I do that mother? I am having a good time with everyone on my side for once."

"If you don't I will get you fired before you can crack this case." She said, her voice calm knowing what impact they would cause, she had won, again and all my anger subsided replaced by anguish and pain.

I should have learnt a long time ago that there was no winning with all the Hastings against you but I never learn, do I?

"Why do you hate me mother?" I asked before I could stop myself and there was a long silence on the other side.

"You will go live tomorrow morning and don't forget the sunglasses." She said and hang up.

Wearing sunglasses was something I was taught to do since I was a child, they hid my eyes. The public has only seen my eyes once and that was when I was a baby. I couldn't go back to sleep, I wanted to cry but I wasn't going to, I had cried enough and my mother would most certainly not going to be the reason I shed my tears but I knew I wouldn't sleep. Then I remembered Raph saying that he always kept a key underneath the door mat. I decided to sneak into his house and sleep in the guest room, it may come off as needy but I really hoped that his presence would make me fall asleep. I knew I was doomed now and I had no idea how long I was going to be able to not be with Raph but I threw all caution to the wind, packed up things I would need later, including the next case file and I drove to his place.

I drove to his place and slowly opened the door, then tiptoed into the house slowly, after quietly shutting it behind me, I was headed toward the kitchen first to grab some cold water when I heard it, someone breathing raggedly but slowly, like if they were trying to calm down and make their breathing discreet and it sounded nothing like Raph at all. As a cop, I travel with my gun everywhere, I reached out for it in my bag slowly and quietly. Then I kept the bag on the floor and walked really slowly towards the sound, gun pointed. I got into the kitchen and realized it was coming from behind the counter, whoever this person, he or she did not know the first rule about hiding. I got there and I could not believe my eyes.

"Well, fuck me sideways!" I exclaimed, "Raph? What the hell?"

I put my gun down and walked to where he was, he was holding an empty beer bottle like a weapon and he's eyes were closed. He was having difficulties breathing.

"Raph!!Raphael!! Just breathe, think happy thoughts." I tried, I had no idea how to react to someone who was having a panic attack. I thought they had to stop thinking too much if not to think happy thoughts and to stop breathing for a second.

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