two faced | e.d.

eleven .

song for the chapter :
"burning" by sam smith
"i've been burnin' up since you left."
play on repeat
———
my head is racing with questions.

why would ethan start a rumor like that?

i've been helping him through so much lately.

fuck him.

i don't even know if i should confront him about it or shut him out of my life completely, before he gets too close to me and does something even more stupid.

i also can't believe i gave grayson caleb's number, putting sofia in danger of getting hurt.

why the hell am i so selfish?

what the fuck is going on?

i need alcohol.

i walk out of my english class, making the excuse that i need to go to the restroom.

as soon as i walk out of the class, i take a sharp right turn and swiftly walk down the hallway, storming out of the school's doors.

—

there's no one in the house since my dad's away at work and luka is still at school.

"perfect," i whisper to myself.

i walk up the stairs and into my room, plopping my bag on the floor.

i open my closet and rummage through it, in search of that damn flask.

that stupid fucking flask that i depend on so much for sanity.

that stupid fucking flask that i go to whenever i have a minor inconvenience in my life because i'm a little bitch who can't face her own problems.

"why am i like this?" i whisper to myself as a tear rolls down my cheek, out of frustration.

the ice cold metal hits my hand and a surge of adrenaline runs through me.

i deeply exhale as i pull the flask out.

i sit down on the floor and take the lid off.

"bottoms up, malia."

—

the sound of my phone ringing is what awakens me.

as i open my eyes, the feeling of the cold wooden floow overcomes me and i realize i knocked out while drinking.

my phone continues to ring.

i groggily sit up and pick up my phone, allowing my eyes to readjust and focus on the contact on my phone.

i squint my eyes and make out, "caleb."

oh shit.

i answer and place the phone to my ear, waiting to hear caleb yell at me.

"hello?" i choke out.

"malia what the fuck," i roll my eyes "why did you give grayson dolan my damn phone number?"

i try to play the innocent card.

"woah woah, caleb. why are you blaming me?"

"cut the shit, malia. i saw you drag him out of the cafeteria today. don't try and tell me it was just a coincidence."

i remain silent.

"malia why did you do it? he's been texting me nonstop and he's trying to get close to me."

"so what if he's trying to get close to—"

caleb doesn't even let me finish my sentence. he knows me too well so he knows when i'm bluffing.

"he wants something. him and i have never talked before. why the hell would he start talking to me out of the blue, malia? he fucking wants something and you gave him access to it."

i play with my shoelaces as i listen to what caleb has to say.

he's wrong.

caleb doesn't want sometbing but someone.

should i tell him that this "someone" is his sister?

i find myself too weak mentally to argue with caleb.

"okay. i get it. i'm sorry."

"malia why did you do—"

i cut caleb off by hanging up the phone.

i simply don't have the energy to defend myself right now.

—

as i wash my face with ice cold water, i hear the door open.

"malia?" i hear my dad shout.

luka's energetic singing and footsteps can be heard as well.

"yeah, dad?" i wipe my face off with a towel and head downstairs.

"malia your mother's birthday is coming very soon."

i am stunned when i hear my dad say this.

already?

i look at the calendar and notice the date: september 19.

my mother's birthday is next week.

every year on september 26th, my family and i go to visit my mother's grave.

i hate that word.

grave.

it sounds so lifeless. as if there isn't a soul with a story and a history buried under the ground.

it's more than just a hole in the ground.

i'm snapped out of my thoughts when luka interjects, "are we going to take her any gifts?"

"we might take some flowers and water with us."

my family and i have a tradition of taking water with us to the burial site and pouring it on top of the earth where the person is buried. it keeps the plants and greenery alive, thus symbolizing the preservation of the soul.

i exhale and slowly walk up the stairs.

this time of the year always hurt like a bitch, but i don't ever remember it hurting this much.

i wish she was here.

my eyes begin to well up with tears.

i hear a soft knock on the door.

i quickly dry up my eyes, "come in."

i'm faced with luka poking his head in my room.

"malia."

"yes?"

"can i please sit with you?"

i scoot over and pat the bed beside me.

luka quickly sits on my bed and lays his head on my shoulder.

a few moments pass by when i feel a wetness on my arm.

luka is crying.

suddenly, the tears begin to fall from my eyes too.