Binary Understanding

Chapter Three

      Darkness enveloped the sky as it started getting late. I was trying everything I could to avoid going home and presenting myself to my mother, but I couldn't hide forever. I had to go home.

"Lights are on" I thought to myself as I approached my house. "I can't possibly go in... but I'm so hungry". Hesitantly I pushed through the gate and made my way into the apartment complex. As I passed the main hall, I noticed that our mailbox was overflowing with papers.

"The bills are still piled up here, but I don't want to bother my mom with them". My mom was forced to save up a months worth of pay in order to buy me some new glasses after Hells broke my previous pair. I stopped in front of the door. Room 173 never looked so intensely terrifying before.

"I'll just slip into my room and eat a light snack" I thought while twisting the rusty doorknob.

"You're home" called my mother dryly as I entered. "I was waiting for you" .

"Mom! Have you eaten yet?" I asked sheepishly. "I already ate so you don't have to make me any-"

"We need to talk" she interrupted with a tone of seriousness and disappointment. I awkwardly sat down next to her on the torn, beat up couch. We sat there for 2 minutes, perfectly still, without muttering the slightest bit.

"What could I possibly say?" I thought to myself, on the verge of tears. "I feel like scum, an absolute waste of living matter. There isn't anything I can possibly say to her that will change the fact that I yelled at her because she tried to protect me"

"Barry..."  she sighed, "I heard your tantrum the other day and I couldn't stop thinking about your situation... I know I haven't been the best mother, always in debt and not being able to provide a stable home for you" she added melancholically. "You're right, you should transfer".

"Huh? Did she just say she'll let me transfer?"

"I won't be able to come with you due to work, but you'll be okay to live by yourself right? After all, studying is important. Who needs friends right?"

She... she knew all along. She knew and she didn't do anything about it. She pretended to not know so she wouldn't become more of a drag for me

"Don't worry about expenses, I'll cover that for you. Just go and trust that you'll be able to start fresh with a new purpose in life." She said, tearing up.

Hearing those words made all my mixed emotions wrap around my subconscious and it hurt like an anaconda squeezing its fallen prey to death. Unfortunately, the more I tried to hold it in, the more my emotions wanted to push out. I found myself crying in front of her, moved by her words and determination.

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you mom" I said in between tears. "I can't be more of a burden to you"

"My boy, hush. I love you more than anything in the world, and that's why I'm willing to give you up into the world. You need this more than staying here and continue to be harassed and embarrassed by your silly old mother. I found a place for you to stay and a vocational school in California. I already bought you the plane tickets and you leave tomorrow morning".

***The Next Day***

"Yes mom, I'm already on the plane, I'll call you once I get there" I said through the phone. I didn't want to move to California, but it wasn't my place to complain. Any place was better than staying here. I'll be able to start fresh and make so many friends, without them knowing about my past. Couple hours passed and I arrived in California. I started to walk, trying to find where my new home was.

"3818 Platt Ave, Lynwood, CA 90262" I repeated constantly in my head. That's where I was supposed to stay. After several hours of circles and dead ends, I  finally found the street. I started scanning the numbers for the one that matched with the address on the little piece of gum wrapper that my mom gave me. I started to realize that all the nice houses were getting uglier and uglier as I advanced further into the street.

"I was about to say" I thought to myself, "it would be to good to be true to live in such a nice neighborhood". After scaling the whole street, I finally found my new home. It was a small shack like place. The paint had already started to crack and the roof looked like it was installed by a 7 yr old kid.

"I don't mind a little shack. I'm happy. Sweet freedom. Here I'm a completely new person, no one knows me and I can create my new persona without any doubts or worries. I no longer have to fear tomorrow" I thought pleasantly and eager.

"I'm going to be reborn. Like an ugly little worm... into a beautiful butterfly. A butterfly that's loved by everyone".