Hey, I know it's late at night. But I'm on my phone and I can't sleep. I have so much to think about but so little time. So much to do but I don't want to do them. I've already eaten and I don't want to get to cold. I'm alone in my room because it makes me feel safer. I recently have had so much trouble with feelings, people, and my thoughts. I can't stop thinking about how much time hates me but I want to not think about it. I only forget in some moments. There are things I want to forget to. Things that ruined not just myself but others around me. But times I want to remember. Before I lose it all. I'm slowly losing my mind. My feelings. My sanity. I just want to cry and forget myself. Or be happy and be a new person. I just want a new beginning. Where nothing went wrong, but sadly, I got what I have. A broken doll. No, a marionette. Controlled by fear, anxiety, depression, sadness, anger, and feelings. I'm the puppet at the end of the strings. The strings that hold me to be controlled. They only let me go when something bad happens that impacts me. But there are times they leave me alone. When I'm with those that I cherish most. Sadly, they are not family. I only see them at a hell called school. Sometimes rarely at other places. But one person commits to being closer. So they see me nearly everyday. They I trust most of all people. They've been there and I'll be there for them. Time will only allow so much to happen but I want to break free of it and allow more to happen. Life has been against me for so long. And now I at least want our friendship to be right. Heh, just realized I've just been writing down what I'm thinking. I'm not even making a story, just basically a diary or a journal of some sort. Just my thoughts and feelings. Well I'll just keep going. I've been having trouble at school. You know the bullying, drama with people, love that I feel I don't deserve, love that I want to forget, the stupidity in my mind, the attention I don't want, work I never turn in, teachers that call me out, and being an outcast. Just got a text. My friend. I said goodnight to them but now they want to talk. They just said that they didn't say anything because they're WiFi sucked. And now their sibling just texted me and then another text from them. ... Ok back. ... Sorry just texted a few people and told my cousin happy birthday. And sent a picture. Ok, now where was I? Great, another text brb. ... Back finally. Jeez, not a single person can wait. Anyway, now, where were we. Yeah, that's right. I'm pretty much invisible to anyone at our school. The only time they see me is when I'm wearing my JROTC uniform. But I prefer my emo clothes and eyeliner. It sucks at my school cause we have to climb multiple set of stairs and lunch seems so far. I don't talk much to people in my classes but if I have my friends *cough*friend*cough*. Then things change. But I love some of my classes because well they're pretty chill. Most of the time I just plug in an earbud and listen. I love doodling mostly but sometimes I do my work. Anyways, now I'm in a call now.
