Not Letting Go

Chapter 4

Later in the morning, after the sun had been up for a while, Max woke gasping. She never remembered all of it, but the partially exploded head of Jefferson grinning darkly at her was almost always what spurred her back to consciousness. She was glad he was dead, but the grizzly memory of his death was haunting her along with everything else.

After realizing she was safe, Max came back to reality in the same haze as she had every day since that horrible night: forgetting for a moment and then having the sudden realization that Chloe was gone and gone forever this time. It was always a shock. Then the intense weight of her despair came crushing down, along with the guilt. Would it always be like this? She wondered, then reminded herself that she deserved it. Did not deserve to be happy. Would not be fair to Chloe. Nothing felt fair, or right anymore.

You didn't save her and you could have, if you didn't keep fucking it up, but you did and now she's gone. Who cares that the storm didn't come? Even if I had to defy fate and risk killing the whole town, I would have...it doesn't matter now though. But now what?

Max felt she had lost her direction, her purpose. Jefferson ruined photography for her. The future had become not worth a thought. Why do anything beyond what absolutely needs to be done now? What is there to look forward to? Her thoughts turned to Kate.

 I don't deserve her comfort, but every time she's near...I just can't help it.

Max looked over to little Kate, next to her in bed. She picked it up and looked at it thoughtfully. She then brought it to her cheek and nuzzled it between her shoulder. Just then a knock came and Max nearly dropped the bunny, but, after a brief fumble, found a firm grip and held it close. She held her breath and waited, until Kate's muffled voice called her name.

"Max?"

With a groan, she forced herself to sit up and slide out of bed. Max did a quick stretch, arching her back and made a step toward the door, but then turned back to quickly place the bunny next to her pillow. As she turned back, Max heard another knock and so replied, "Coming!"

She opened the door and found Kate there with coffee and tea in hand.

"You really are the best, aren't you?" Max grinned sleepily.

Kate's own smile beemed a little brighter at the compliment.

"When I'm inspired." She walked in when Max stepped to the side.

"Not quite ready?"

Max looked down at her own clothing, the same she wore the day before. She hadn't bothered changing.

"Yeah...don't think I'll do the walk of shame when I don't even have anything to be ashamed about," Max joked, but then frowned.

Kate, seeing her friend turn to a dark place, tried moving the conversation along.

"How about we just finish our drinks here and you can change and shower if you want."

Shower? thought Max. I guess it has been a few days. I probably should. She combed her fingers through her greasy hair. Yeah, definitely.

They settled on the floor leaning against the bed. Kate sat with her legs criss-crossed, but still with an upright posture that gave off her usual mild air of refinement. Max was slightly slumped to the side, facing her friend who asked, "So, how did you sleep this time?"

Max took a sip of her coffee and lied, "Okay, I guess."

Kate bit her lip anxiously. "Max, I heard someone talking in the hall about hearing you in your room, and they were talking about this morning, not when I came back last night."