Not Just Asian Eyes: A Short Story Collection

Weird Shit You (May) Hear At Art School

Ok, story time. Over the summer I went to a college art program for 3 weeks to learn about illustration. It was so fun and I learned so much! However, what I also learned was that art school kids are weird. I heard a lot of weird shit when I was there. In this chapter I will provide the quote then the context behind the quote. Let's begin!

1. "Use protection! Gouache is not nut proof!"

Context:
So, in one of the dorms a friend of mine had painted a picture of Danny DeVito. One of his other roommates said to him: "I would totally fuck that picture of Danny DeVito."
His other roommate from across the hallway yelled out: "Use protection! Gouache is not but proof!"
And that's how o could not EVER look at that picture the same way ever again.

2. "Get in here you fucking Jew!"

Context:
So, this one involved me, my friend and roommate. My friend and roommate were trying to take a selfie to send to her mom and my other Jewish friend turned to me and said: "Get in here you fucking Jew!".
She said this in THE WORST New York accent I have ever heard. Let's just say, I was referred to as 'the fucking Jew' for at least 2 weeks.

3. "Alright, who died now?"

Context:
Being at art school, we had to go to different seminars and presentations that were mandatory for us. I remember sitting in the dark, quiet auditorium and all of a sudden all our phone alarms go off to warn us of hazardous weather. The man presenting, into the microphone says: "Alright, who died now?".
All of us BURST out laughing because he said it so nonchalantly! Fortunately, no one died that day.

4. "I got glue all over my naked self."

Context:
It was a normal Saturday afternoon. We had rest days on the weekends and I was chilling in my dorm room on my bed when I hear from the room next to me: "Damn it! I got glue all over my naked self!".
This quote was said from someone in my illustration class and I was really confused and concerned about when they were doing so the next class day when I saw them I asked about it. They replied: "Oh, I was making a little cut out of myself naked to put into our cardboard city. I got glue on him though."
I could not look at him the same way. With clothes or without.

5. "I'm sucking on the ball."

Context:
So, I had a Japanese soda called Ramune and the bottles have a little marble ball that is used as a "cap" and you push the marble down to open the bottle. I gave my soda to my friend and when he was drinking it the marble fell back down so he could touch it with his tongue. He promptly says: "I'm sucking on the ball.".
I never thought I would hear those words from the straightest guy at this art program. I wiggles my eyebrows at him in a suggestive way but, of course, he had no idea what I was even referring to.

"Really? Nothing? You know that's the gayest thing I've heard this hour right?" I said.

He shrugged. And then promptly spilled glue on his naked self AGAIN.

"Damn it! Now I have to make a new naked self!"

Well, those are only SOME things you may hear at art school. But, I promise you, art school is NOT THIS WEIRD. But, I am also in an art program at my school and I can promise you, there will be more to come.

And, I also did not find an Asian boyfriend there. Unfortunately.