The Girl Who Drifted | doctor who (Book 3)

To Break One's Heart

Being human temporarily has all kinds of repercussions, and the Doctor is about to learn about an important consequence that affects his relationship with Willow.

The song above is 'traitor' by Olivia Rodrigo

***

Willow sat in the TARDIS library, fondling her engagement ring between her fingers. She continually looked at her reflection in the golden metal. It didn't look like herself, the girl she had played for twenty-four years. Something had changed in the blue eyes that stared back at her.

It had been three days since the trio returned to travelling again, the Doctor was himself again. The love of her life had returned. Then why wasn't she happy?

She heard the door open nearby, though Willow did not turn to see who it was. "Hey." The familiar voice of the Doctor spoke.

However, she did not reply, still sulking on the leather sofa by the fireplace. Though it was a clear sign that he wasn't welcome, the Doctor still wandered inside. The door slowly closed behind him as he walked over to the sofa. He sat on the edge and stared intensely at the fire. Willow didn't even look up from her ring.

"Are you okay?" he wondered.

"Does it look like it?" she sarcastically questioned.

He sighed, pausing for a moment. "Then what is it?"

"Haven't you guessed?"

"You know I hate guessing."

Finally, her eyes met his. He observed the sadness and hidden anger swimming in her bloodshot eyes. "You seriously don't know?"

"I gather it's got something to do with John Smith." The Doctor surmised. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Isn't that why you're here?" mentioned Willow.

"Something like that..." he answered. "I haven't seen you for a few days."

She turned away. "I've been reading."

At that moment, he knew that they needed to talk about what happened during the months he was away and how it impacted Willow's emotions. "I had to do it," he started. "I had to become John Smith to protect-"

"I know why you had to do it," she interrupted him, "and I wish that there was another way. I could have done it instead, you could have taken the Chameleon Cloak."

"I didn't want you to go through that." He responded.

"I've been through a lot, Kas. I could have dealt with it." Willow stated. "Besides, it would have been easier the other way round."

He raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I fell in love with you when I was human and it probably would have happened again if I had returned to that state." She suggested.

"It might not have."

Willow scratched at her skin, her nails denting the soft flesh. "I was actually stupid to think that it would happen to you too. That you and I would fall in love again from a different perspective, but you just had to fall for someone else."

The Doctor raised his voice. "It wasn't like I had a choice, Willow-"

"Oh, come on, he wasn't that different from the real you." She mentioned. "I tried so hard to reach out to you, but you didn't even see me. You didn't even know I was there when you were kissing Joan!"

"You can't blame me for something I didn't realise I was doing!" he exclaimed. 

"I thought deep down your feelings for me must still be there. Then you and Joan happened." Willow rubbed her forehead, becoming overwhelmed. "I wish you had thought this whole thing through. Did you not even think there was a slight possibility you could fall in love with someone else?"