A Dream Diary

......

This one was fairly weird. I already forgot half of it but I'll try getting it back together.
I was with a friend. I don't know which one, I just remember us being friends. It was a sunday evening of some sort and we were bored. So wedecided to go this house where people of our age and friend groups hang frequently. It was more or less just a room. I stopped in the door frame while my friend walked in further to get something. There were people sitting in chairs in a circle. Talking, laughing and drinking. She was there too, with that big big smile on her face. Most of the others were jerks we didn't like. My friend insisted on leaving and since she was the only one I worth staying for I agreed on leaving.
So we did and I have no idea what we didz but we spend about 2 or 3 hours before eventually going back to that house/room. It was empty. Only some bottles left.
So we went back outside and I found a wall. Not a brick wall or the wall of house but more of a cave wall. Someone had written a poem on it. It really reminded me of those millions of years old drawing in caves they teach you in school about. That's probably why it seemed like I was in a cave.
I startedreading it. It was from her. She talked about how sad she was that I left and how much she realised she had liked me. Her smile flashed before my eyes. She was present for a second.
It felt like my heart was healing and everything was fine.
I couldn't wait to talk to her, to see her again. I stopped looking at the wall and spent some time day dreaming. Thinking that everything was well, her dying had just been a bad dream. Which I finally could stop and get rid of. I thought about all the things that had happened since. And it dawned on me, she wasn't alive. I checked the poem again. It suddenly was written by someone completely different. A guy I didn't know. He was talking about person hurting him, ignoring him. But I only read half of each line and barely half of the whole poem. It was true. She was never here.
My heart that I thought was healing was numb and empty again. How could I do this to myself?
Why was she here now? I had begged her to visit me before, but I actually didn't this night.. so why was she here? And why only for a second? I really don't understand myself.