I was sitting in the retched blue chairs. They weren't hard, they were a soft rubber but still incredibly uncomfortable. They were larger than most chairs so we could sit cross-legged but we weren't allowed to put our feet on the chairs. I was crying for the second time that morning when she walked up. She was like a deer with dark hair and a soft face, she was almost 18 and she had been in the unit for almost two weeks. She started shuffling cards to play California speed with, she could do the bridge shuffling which amazed me, and then she started to speak to me. She said, "Everyone has a rough time when they first come here, it's lonely and there isn't anyone you know. I'm always here and we all know how you feel." This is when a few more girls came up to me and another girl gave me tissues. We ended up being roommates, she was like a space chick. She had platinum blonde hair and she was wearing a St. Bernards in space sweater.
When I first came there, I didn't believe anyone knew what gong through my head and everyone was fibbing me. As time past, I became the deer girl and I was able to comfort girls.
The day after I was admitted I was allowed to see my family for family visit day. I cried a lot the first few times, after that I was able to keep myself together. We met in the dining room of the overall unit. The dining room was actually really nice, we had really big panel windows that overlooked a parking lot that was fun to look at. The girls always looked at the cars of the day, some days we would find a cat laying the grass next to the parking lot.
Our food was edible, it wasn't particularly delicious but it was alright for hospital food. After we ate and cleaned up we would have to line up and count our stances like they do in prison. We had to put all out utensils and plastic on a tray where the staff was; when back at the unit we would have to pocket and waistband checks for forks and spoons. Some checks were more intense than others based on the staff member that day. For example, sometimes we just did a quick check and other times we would each sit there for a while and make sure we had nothing.
Staff was nice and all but a lot of them were mean -for good reason, there were a lot of girls who misbehaved. My favorite one used to bring her speaker so we could listen to music. During relaxation time we go outside of the day room and color in the hallways. The first few days I had her so when we had a staff switch and I brought paper out to the hallway I got in trouble, it made me cry but not too hard. One staff member was really rude but she had pretty hair, it was dyed red and it looked so shiny. One girl that no one liked, once complimented her hair and said she should dye it blue because that would be cool then the rude staff girl said no one asked her. That is as rude as it got staff wise, but I liked everyone. Especially night staff, they were awesome. We got to watch movies/shows at night like Jumanji, Pitch Perfect, Fifty First Dates, and Catfish. Watching movies used to make me cry but I always real good at hiding it. One time I guess I wasn't good at hiding it and a younger girl about age 12 came up to me and asked me if I was okay. From that point on she always sat with me because she though I was strong.
Someone though I was strong!
