Blue Glass

Manfred

And just like that, when I hear my mother calling my name, everything shatters. The bubble of newfound rapture, of newly discovered joy that I've just begun to encase myself in pops, and everything comes rushing back like a tidal wave. With painful clarity, I'm brought back to who I am, and what I am surrounded by—and what I don't have.

I swivel to meet her gaze. Her dark eyes are filled with horror as she stares at me. My first thought is to convert all my fear to rage and snap at her, but I can't push her away now like I did at the hospital; we know each other far too well for me to do such a rash thing.

"Is that your mother?"Lea asks me, clinging to my arm like a burr.

I nod, my heart leaping higher and higher up my esophagus with each passing second. I don't know what to do; I can't breathe. If my mother discovers Lea...

"Listen to me," I tell her, shaking her off of me. "Stay here, and don't make a sound.I'm going to go downstairs and distract her and my sister, and when I do, you're to go out the way we came in, understood?"

"But—"

"No buts." I cover her mouth with my hand. "Just do as I tell you."

"Manfred, wo bist du?" I flinch at the sound of her voice. She sounds downright furious now, and I can't blame her. I usually stay at the front of the house whenever she's out, so that when she comes home I'm there to greet her and help her with anything she needs. It's how it's always been.

"I have to go." My heart nearly snaps in two at Lea's horrified expression. "I'm sorry."

I make a beeline for the door.At the last moment, something pulling at me from deep inside my heart whips me around, and I go to her and kiss her firmly on the forehead.

"I'll make it up to you later, I promise."

I shut the door as quietly as I can and hurry down the stairs, nearly barrelling into my sister, who looks relieved to see me.

"Mama, I found him!"she crows, holding me firmly by the shoulders like I'm going to float away somehow.

My mother's disconcerted expression morphs into one of disappointment. "So I see. Where were you, my boy?"

"The attic needed to be cleaned up a little." It was the best lie I could tell—it wasn't like I could say I had been spending quality time with the goat in our backyard, since I didn't smell like goat nor had I come from anywhere leading to the back door.

"I hope you didn't mind having to stay at home on your own," my mother says, laying a hand on my forearm. "How is your injury?"

"It's much better." I force myself to ignore the painful realization that had it not been a war injury, she would have been more concerned about whether I could continue my military career or not rather than my personal well being. "Do you need any help with anything, Mother? Is there anything I can get you?" I effortlessly slip on the shoes of an obedient,subservient eldest son. "You must be so tired from having walked so long to get to church."

I lead them in the other  direction in this fashion, steering them tactfully away from the stairs leading to the attic. I am secretly waiting for the front door to close, heralding Lea's impromptu exit. Nothing so far.

My mother and sister, to my infinite gratitude, decide all of a sudden to busy themselves in the kitchen preparing this morning's coffee and whatever the household inventory of food will let them prepare for breakfast. I hurry back up the stairs and nearly bowl Lea over as she is exiting the attic.

We don't say a word to each other. I watch her dash through the foyer and out the door, and literally run to the window to peer out the nearest window as she picks her way through the garden, out the gate and onto the street. I stare and stare after her, suddenly feeling so lonely it physically hurts. What's worse is that I haven't allowed myself to feel this sort of loneliness ever since my first full day at Wahlstatt, years and years and years ago...

Bile rises in my throat at the thought of Wahlstatt, and I try to push the thoughts of that bleak and dreary building away as far as I can. Instead, I watch the only person who has ever made me feel truly loved and valued depart,watching her grow smaller and smaller until she is only a dot on the street, and then she disappears completely.

A/N: One final update before I go to sleep....!I hope you all enjoy ♥

Wo bist du: Where are you (or so the German to English translator says...)