Blue Glass

Again

The sight of the huge, seemingly endless sweep of green grass that was Jasta 11's airfield brought with it a barrage of memories that sliced into my heart like knives. From the wide blue sky to the fluffy clouds dotting it like splatters of white paint on a canvas, right down to the patches of matted grass reminded me of the man I had loved who didn't love me enough to make things work between us. Thinking of him brought back the familiar ache of unrequited love I knew so well.

It seemed everything was as it had been that day many months ago, when I had been playing nurse to Manfred. Although I couldn't see it now, I still remembered the car into which we had piled to get to the airfield, the well worn, bumpy road that had nearly gotten me sick.
The way Manfred had placed his hand on my knee...the way he spoke to me...
I shook my head and clasped my hands together tighter. For me to think about Manfred was absolutely disrespectful to myself as a person. How could I possibly think of a man who had dishonored me in the most damaging way possible?

Next to me, Svetlana let out a muted gasp, her blue eyes wide with awe. I followed her gaze skyward in time to see the first of what I assumed to be the afternoon patrol swoop down out of the sky, brightly colored butterflies against the equally vibrant backdrop. The sound of their rotary Oberursel engines grew from a low, steady hum to a deafening roar as they neared the ground. Their wheels touched down gracefully on the patched grass, and Svetlana and I both turned in unison to watch them taxi down the airfield.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Svetlana asked. "The idea of going up into the air like that...to see everything from above..."
"Oh, stop it," I snapped. I was well aware of how harsh I sounded, well aware of the hurt look that crossed Svetlana's face. "Too much dreaming is bad for you. You know you'll never be allowed anywhere near those planes."
"It wouldn't hurt to ask them, don't you think? They're soldiers, and would never miss a chance to charm a couple ladies."
"We're not going to ask anyone anything," I snapped, leaning in close to her even though there was no one even remotely close to hear us. "Heinrich told us to behave properly, and the last thing I want is for him to be shamed because of our...inability to do so."
Svetlana shook her head in resigned silence and turned away from me. An invisible fist clutched at my heart as I realized I hadn't been this rude to her in years.
The bright red plane with black wings gently coasting down to earth startled me. I knew that plane from the many pictures Heinrich had sent me along with his letters from the front—it was his plane. He had once told me in one of his letters that every plane in Jagdgeschwader 1 had to have red as its primary color, paired with one secondary color. The only plane allowed to be all red was Manfred's.
I watched as Heinrich's two mechanics hurried up to the aircraft, their arms outstretched to support my cousin's weight as he clambered out of the cockpit and staggered down onto the grass. Heinrich's letters to me were chock full of mentions of his mechanics, Wilhelm and Günter—the elder brothers he had never had.

I watched from afar as he tore the fur cap off his head haphazardly, his signature mop of tousled black hair falling in his face. The mechanic on his left said something and swept the stray locks out of his eyes.
I suddenly felt out of place standing with Svetlana in the middle of an airfield, with no one around us. Adjusting the brim of my hat, I made my way over to where Heinrich was being helped out of his flight gear by his mechanics, Svetlana hot on my heels.

He looked up as we got closer. His dark eyes swept over Svetlana and settled on me, drilling into mine. I expected to see anger and mistrust bubbling in his gaze like a frothy glass of absinthe. However, his gaze was completely unreadable—it held way too many emotions in it for me to write it off as just one.
"I thought you would never come," he said, whipping off his glove and extending his hand first to me, then to Svetlana. "It's so good to see you both."
I balked, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth like I had coated it with glue. Svetlana shot me a look and spoke for both of us: "We're both very glad to see you, Heinrich."
Heinrich gave her a relieved smile. "I've been so homesick for a while."
Svetlana jogged his shoulder. "You poor dear. How do you keep yourself occupied?"
Heinrich began to launch into a monologue about card games and skat and billiards as he peeled off the last article of his flight suit and draped it over the wing of the plane for his mechanics to pick up. He and Svetlana began a slow walk down from the line of planes, with me trailing apathetically after them.