Blue Glass

The Airfield

July, 1917

"I'm done here," I said to Käte the next morning when we ran into each other in the hallway. "Is there any way I can disappear today?"
"The train comes after tomorrow," Käte replied. "Until then, you'll have to wait."
I ground my teeth. "Very well, then. Thank you."
I was halfway down the hallway when I heard her call my name.
"What happened yesterday between you and Richthofen?"
I bristled, all the vulnerability and shame and rejection  I had been subjected to at the hands of Manfred yesterday flooding back.
"What do you mean, what happened?"
"Why did he want to see you?"
"I don't know," I said. "He was asleep when I came in."
I hurried off before she could say anymore, not in any mood for further questioning, especially about Manfred.
I had never felt so disgusted and ashamed of myself as I had in that moment. I no longer wanted to blink, because if I did, I would see Manfred's disgusted, outraged face before my eyes.
"'This is madness! Complete madness, you hear?!'"
But just seconds before that, he had  kissed me not once, but many times. I couldn't help but think to myself as I passed Room 23 that he kissed like a man, like he knew what he was doing.
Why wouldn't he?
I passed my tongue over my lips, involuntarily feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Yes, I was still angry. Yes , I was still ashamed and hurt and confused. But there was some part of me that relished what had happened yesterday afternoon, even if it had happened at my own expense.
His kisses had been unhesitating, that much I knew for sure, despite the fact that it had been my first. There was no way anyone could kiss a perpetual stranger with that much passion, that much conviction.
Then why...?
I leaned against the wall; shut my eyes. It wasn't even nine in the morning and I was already feeling mentally exhausted.
A few nurses passed me as I stood there in the hallway. They exchanged pointed glances, then one of them strode up to me and tapped me on the shoulder.
"If you have nothing to do, you ought to come help us do the laundry."
Washing bedsheets and pillowcases was hardly how I imagined spending today, but it was better than wandering the hallways moping. I shrugged and fell into step with them, pushing all thoughts of Manfred to one side—at least i tried.

The steam from the tub of boiled water was turning my face red and scalding my hands, even though I was poking at the mound of sheets with a long, thick wooden stick and standing a ways away from the tub. The nurses who had accompanied me were picking out the sheets with metal tongs and holding them up to cool them before wringing them out and placing them on the makeshift clothesline we had tied between  two trees. I thought of what Svetlana would say if she found out I had been reduced to doing servant's work.
Svetlana, my colleagues, my mother—they had been all my life consisted of for as long as I could remember. Vienna was normalcy and it was tranquility compared to this...emotional turmoil.
Only two more days and I'll be home. Then I can put all of this behind me and forget Manfred ever happened.
I stabbed at the sheets submerged in the water, sweat pouring down my face and matting the collar of my dress. I could feel my palms being rubbed raw from gripping the thick wooden stick too hard and too long. My ankles ached from standing; I could barely feel the cool air around me because of how hot the steam engulfing me was. I was glad for the discomfort, since it sort of forced me to think less and less about Manfred.
We finished hanging the laundry out to dry and proceeded to haul the bucket and other paraphernalia back into the hospital.
Halfway through the hallway, I heard a hushed commotion around the corner, like the sound of people laughing quietly, punctuated by bouts of whispering—sounds that were rather out of place in a field hospital. The two nurses I was with exchanged confused glances.
We rounded the corner and I flinched at the sight of two uniformed men standing at the door to Room 23 talking to a third who had his arm in a sling.
We shuffled past them as obscurely as we could, but not fast enough to miss the door to Room 23 fly open and Manfred appear in the doorway, smartly dressed in his field gray service uniform with red trim. Käte stood behind him, all stoic, unsmiling professionalism in a starched nurse's uniform.
Suddenly, she cleared her throat from behind Manfred, who turned around. They exchanged a few words; Käte's gaze darted toward us repeatedly as we shuffled our way down the hallway.
She broke away from the quartet of uniformed men and hurried over to us.
"Lea, go brush your hair and straighten your uniform, and make it snappy," she said in an urgent whisper.
"Why?" I dropped my end of the tub with a loud crash, causing Manfred and the people he was conversing with to collectively turn around and glance at us.
Käte gestured for my companions to continue on, then turned back to me. "Richthofen's head hasn't healed yet," she began. "However, he has repeatedly expressed his wish to visit his squadron and to deny him a short stay with them after having been confined to his bed for so long would be...unwise."
"What does this have to do with me?" I demanded. "I'm not an actual nurse, Käte. You seem to have forgotten that."
"Accompanying a wounded airman to and from an airfield hardly requires any nursing skill, Lea." Käte gave me a measured look. "You and Richthofen get along well together; he'll be much more at ease with you. Besides, there are a few amputations I have to oversee today, so I'm sending you mostly out of necessity than anything else."
"And if I don't want to go?" I squared my shoulders. "You can't make me."
"I can, and I will." Käte's voice dropped menacingly. "Don't make me have brought you here out of the kindness of my own heart only to shame me—and this establishment—in the eyes of Germany's premiere ace."
"So this is all about—"
"I haven't time to argue with you, Lea. Go!"
So I did. I did exactly what she said—redid my hair, straightened my uniform, swapped my current apron for one of Käte's clean ones. I even shined my shoes with the old apron out of spite. But inside, I was literally bursting with outrage, outrage at getting pushed around so easily by a mere nurse, but most of all, outrage because fate had designed to bring Manfred and I together once more after all I wanted was to get away from him for the time being.