POETRY & BROKENHEART

FOLLOW MY PAGE ON FB PLS "RMA Quotes"I. PERFECT SPARK SMASHED WITH WRONG TIMING

...caged in a commitment, and tricked with fate of meeting someone new that sends shivers of intimacy down to your core...?

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Being imprisoned in marriage, living-in situation or arrange marriages is indeed a very upsetting state when you start to feel that you already lose the reasons to stay in the relationship. It becomes devastating to wake up every day in a mundane of being stuck in an unhappy situation already. 

That feeling when frustrations start to spank you every time you look at your partner and getting hit back with the reality that you are no longer feeling the spark. The moment you realize - that the spark that keeps the ignition of your bond had died down makes it a curse, a day to day curse that slowly poisons your being.

Until you intuitively lose your glow. You lose direction. You lose meaning to create a better version of yourself. This is the moment it has been totally toxic to your growth as a human being.

The poison that eats your ability to wake up with that genuine smile you deserve. The poison that lingers to stab your soul bit by bit. That inadequacy of self-worth that is empowering a negative and more intoxicated environment for you to breathe.

Many are not realizing that this is already what is going on with them.  You know that you are not anymore happy. You know there is something missing. You know that you haven't genuinely smiled yourself to sleep for a long time.

You know there is already something wrong. But you simply lose the ability to gauge your situation and pin point the tragedy that you got yourself drowned in. You keep making excuses for your condition. You justify and vindicate your longing to feel complete and whole. You try to trick yourself with the idea of make believe that you are a family oriented person and you won't let go and look somewhere else because you are COMMITTED. You greatly believe in commitment and you can't ever leave your partner behind.

You simply don't ever want to contemplate of the possibility that you have the option to be free, the option to unravel yourself and start new and fresh. You just can't and you are not willing to let go of what you are used to. Yes, the hassle and turmoil of what you have to go through is what you are surely most petrified of.

...until, you are able to meet someone. Yes, you consider yourself committed. You are not looking for a refuge at all. You are definitely not thinking of infidelity as an option. But you unconsciously fall. You deny it. You do not ever want to entertain the idea. You know it's wrong. Yes! It is wrong and you are a hundred percent sure of that.

But why does it feel so right...? Why does it make you feel alive...? Why do you crave for that persons attention...? For that person's presence...? Why  do those stares induces a flicker of spark...? That spark you know you have long lost with your recent partner...?

And then, that new someone becomes your new addiction. He/she becomes the first person you think of every time you wake up and the last face you long to see before you go to sleep. How do you even allow that, when everyday provokes a corresponding struggle of keeping your emotions covered because you lay down next to that person you are in a relationship with or committed to...

More often than not, you are starting to see that you are meeting a new love at a very bad timing. Worst to be stated, you meet the right love at the wrong time.

Your feelings are no joke. You look at each other and share kisses even before it reaches the lips... those glares. Those mind blowing smiles that you exchange. You know it got meaning. It got your tongue. It got you, completely. It got you bad. It got you weak.

Like you are creating a new world. If you are just free. If you are just single. If you can keep him/her, you sure would.  If it is just easy to leave everything behind and build anew. But no... it isn't. Not at all. Complicated is an understatement. You want to break free, but you know you cannot. You wanted to runaway with him/her, but there is a lot to consider. 

It is never easy. It will never be.

Then, insentiently... you start creating stolen moments. Those very moments you know you will treasure like wildfires burning within you.

Situations become harder. You wanna scream and ask help because it is simply getting worse. You cannot just stop. You yearn for more every time. You are always stuck between floating in bliss and the fucked up reality that you are at. 

Now you start to wonder... would you be left at being completely in love and just need to leave it at that or would you fight and gamble all your decks of cards at one shot...?