spencer sighed and sat up against his headboard. he rubbed his face and glanced at the digital clock beside him. "shit" he cursed quietly, trying not to disturb his wife of two years beside him as he realized it had been three in the morning, and he had not fallen asleep yet.
ever since spencer had gotten out of prison for a murder he didn't commit, he had a horrible case of insomnia. he would close his eyes and think about the torture he received and the thought of losing y/n. they went to his therapist to ask what was happening to him when he started having migraines and he diagnosed it as a sleeping disorder. he had medication, but there's a reason for why he refuses to take it.
he looked over to his wife and stroked her leg through the comforter draped over her body. she shifted around and flipped so she was facing him. she exhaled and opened her eyes to find tired ones staring back at her. "you okay?" was the first thing she asked him when she noticed the permanent dark rings around his eyes. they had grown darker ever since his diagnosis. "i can't sleep." he sighed moving some strands of hair out of her face from her messy pony tail. "still?" she questions, sitting up on her elbow. "still." he responds. she frowned, "want to talk about it?" he shook his head, "it's just the same thing. how bad it would've been if the team hadn't gotten me out of prison and other things." "and other things?" she asked, already knowing the answer.
whenever she found out from emily that they had hurt spencer badly, it absolutely wrecked her. everything that spencer had been through she was always beside him. through his relapse, through the headaches, the kidnappings, and the hard cases for when he returned home. but knowing that she couldn't be there to hold him when he was most vulnerable, hurt her the most.
he nodded. "have you fallen asleep yet at all?" he didn't have to say anything because she could already tell by his expression. "you know spence you can take your-" "but i don't need it!" he whimpered. "i'm not crazy, y/n. i-i'm not crazy.." his voice cracked and the dam broke. he collapsed onto the bed into her arms. she stroked his over-grown curls and sat in silence. after a while, it was he who broke it. "y/n?" he asked against her chest. "yeah, spence?" she responded. "how would you feel about kids?" he lifted up his head to look at her. she sat there for a moment. "i've definitely thought about it. if that's what you're asking. the only thing i'm wondering is if you're ready for that? if we did i think we should wait until you're feeling better. what's your opinion?" he didn't look at her, not this time at least. "spencer?" she pulled his head up and notice the tears in his eyes once more.
spencer had always wanted to have kids. if he had a girl, he wished for her to be as beautiful as her mother. having most of her facial features and her contagious laugh and smile. if he had a boy, he wished for him to be smart like he was. he wanted the boy to be respectful, responsible, and to be a gentleman. the only thing that bothered him was passing down the schizophrenia that he and his mother have. spencer's was only slightly, according to his geneticist. there was something there but enough to bother him. his mother diana on the other hand had been suffering from it since he was younger and has grown worse since. so bad to where it took her three seconds to recognize who her own son and daughter-in-law were.
"what's wrong?" y/n spoke softly, wiping his tears from underneath his eyes. he let out another quite set of sobs and shook his head, "i don't want to wake up and not know who any of you are. even worse i don't want the chance of passing down this sickness to a child. our child." he sobbed. she kissed his hair and gently rubbed his sensitive neck. "hey hey hey. first of all, this is not a sickness, spence. it's not anything at all really. i promise you it's not. even if for the smallest chance it does get passed down, we'll get through it. i love you, and i want to have a family with you, baby. can we put that behind us? would that be enough?"
"yeah, i'm sorry baby." he nodded and sank back down into the sheets, held her in the darkness until she fell asleep, and sat in silence to patiently wait for morning to come.
810 words ; lovelygubler
