𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑲𝒂𝒍𝒐𝒔 𝑸𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒏

𝑪𝒉 13. 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝑨𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅

Athazagoraphobia is the fear of being forgotten or ignored and fear of forgetting. Is that what I am really experiencing? Can I really justify these feelings as a specific phobia? Maybe I am just being dramatic...these feelings will pass and I'll move on...

Some feelings come and go...but I fear that I will never get over these....there's nothing important about being famous..it's just a nice adrenaline feeling. The feeling of being wanted...the feeling of  other's envy...do famous people really feed off of that...is that their high?

It's hard to be different because you don't know where your differences will guide you. They may help you succeed in life, or they may draw you out from the world. Am I different or am I just talented? Anyone could have talent and not be famous. Why should I care that my talent is no longer cared about? Should I enjoy letting someone else using my talent become successful?

The feeling of being wanted is gone...now I am here...alone. The feeling of being Normal...is that a good feeling?

A few days later Eleanor laid there awake her mind cluttered with many different thoughts. The feeling to join the others was not present at the moment, she felt the need to be alone to gather up all her issues and put them away for the day.

She winced as she was growing a slight headache from overthinking. She laid there in bed relaxing but yet she felt even more exhausted, overthinking was such tiring exercise that left her panting for air. She sat up slow and held onto her head. The bright light wasn't helping, but she had to get used to it for her to be able to get up for the day. She stood up slowly and got ready for the day. She felt a bit more refreshed after she cleaned herself up and got into some new clothing.

Before she left the room she looked at the mirror one last time, she practiced her fake smile not wanting to leave the room without it then headed to the lobby where she knew everyone was. She saw Serena who looked excited for some reason as she was talking to everyone. She joined the group and smirked slightly.

"Did something go on sale? Why are you so excited this early in the morning?" Eleanor asked her and Serena just squealed.

"All performers are invited to Pierre's Dance Party!!" She squealed and Eleanor winced at the high pitched squeal. She frowned then looked at her smart watch to see the date. It really was that time of year for Pierre's Annual gathering. Last year it was more of a tea party, this year must be more flashy.

"Times flies quickly I didn't know it was that time of year already." Eleanor chuckled lightly.

"So you have gone to these things before?" Ash asked and Eleanor frowned then nodded.

"Part of the job, first time I went..I was just as excited as Serena but once I was Kalos Queen I didn't have as much fun as everyone was just acting fake. When you're surrounded by fake people all the time..it's like they suck out your happiness." Eleanor laughed bitterly. Her right hand clenching on her left arm as memories flushed inside her head, but she was done overthinking for the day.

She cleared her throat and shook her head slightly. "Don't let me ruin your thought of it though, you're going to have a good time." Eleanor said reaching over patting Serena on the shoulder.

"Thank you..." Serena smiled at Eleanor then looked at the rest of her friends.

"So um...I think this might be where we say our goodbyes then." Eleanor laughed lightly then let out a sigh.