How to Disappear

Chapter II

 I woke up in my apartment as I smelled chinese food right by me. I almost instantly got up and reached for the food beside me bed. The moon shined through the window. As I scuffed down a few bites I stood up. I noticed I was still in my hospital scrubs. I put my jacket on and my boots. I walked out into the living room to wake up Cole.

"Cole?" I whispered shaking his shoulder.

"Ivy?" he whispered back.

"Come with me!" I whispered a bit louder in his ear. I dragged him off of the couch and lead him outside to the roof of my apartment building. When we got outside to the roof, I stood up on the ledge and let the wind blow in my hair. I spread my arms open wide and felt the cold air hit my face as the moon did so as well.

"Ivy what are you-." I stopped Cole.

"Shhhhh..."

I opened my eyes and looked at the moon reflecting on the city. In this moment, I felt fine. I didn't feel like I need to do anything. Anything...but breathe. Maybe... I didn't want to die? I'm alive. For once, in a long time, I am actually okay with it. For this ONE moment, I felt peaceful. Like I'm floating. Like I'm...not dying. Like I still have hope. There's not much. But now I know I have to hold on as long as possible. I put my arms down and talked through the wind.

"This..is what you missed Cole. In this moment I don't want you to worry about me. In this moment I want you to try and capture the feeling I have in THIS moment. " He stepped up to the edge.

"Alive..." He said softly. He looked at me and smiled. Like he was happy that I felt that in this moment.

"I'M ALIVE!" I shouted to the top of my lungs. I stepped onto my tippi toes and spread my arms out again. And then I thought, I AM alive. I'm...alive...and scared. I stepped down looking one more time at the moon.

"Take me in Cole." I said with a soft voice crack. And then my smile disappeared.

A week later -

I was feeling better. I didn't know how I would go back to school though. Just the thought of everyone staring at me all the time because of what happened scared me. Even though I had tons of help, I still didn't feel like this strong woman I had set out for everybody to see just weeks ago. I didn't know how I was going to handle the rumors that might start. I didn't know how I was going to handle everybody thinking I was a slut. I just didn't know how I was going to handle anything. I still felt broken. I still felt weak. I still felt like I should have died because of the guilt that is taking over my mind. I don't know why. I didn't do anything. Well...anything but lie about how I felt. But I have been doing that for years. I just have to keep going. No matter how much pain I am in. When Cam, Joanne, Cole and I all walked into school, Cam grabbed a hold of my hand, and Joanne the other one. It made me feel a bit safer. Going to class I heard the whispers in the halls. Then jock came up to me.

"Hey miss anorexia! Heard you did it with all three of these dweebs!"

"BACK OFF DAMION!" Cameron said letting go of my hand. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. Then I kicked Damion in his blind spot and punched him in the face..hard.

"Just leave me alone. All of you." I sort of yelled. But I had another voice crack because I was about to cry. I walked away with my backpack hanging on my shoulder which caused great pain.

"I'll walk with you Ivy." Joanne grabbed my bag for me. Walking down the hall I was back to my old intentions. My face was blank. I didn't have any expression whatsoever. I was back to my old life once again. The only difference...Cameron, Joanne and Cole.

Joanne's POV

It makes me sick. To know what Ivy has been through with these kids at schools and her own parents. It just makes me want to throw up. I don't know how she has been so strong and independent for so long. She had a choice to get help but she didn't because deep down she still loved her mother. Even after all the horrible things she had put Ivy through. I, on the other hand, did not have a choice. I was thrown on the streets because my parents were drunks and addicts. I never wanted to live with that. So I was alone and I couldn't get help because no one would listen to me. Until I got into the gang. The one cameron and I are in. That's our job, to hunt and kill and sell drugs. Cameron was completely fine with it until he met her, Ivy. Since then he has changed. He picks his jobs, he doesn't like to be demanded, but sometimes he doesn't have a choice. We either do as we're told or we are killed right there. I had to do what I had to do to survive. And that's something I think Ivy, Cameron and I all have in common...we need to survive.