Funny Quotes

Part 5

helloooo!!! bet you didn't expect an upload this fast, did you? haha neither did i. but i found a bunch of quotes in my email drafts, so i decided to upload them :) dedicated to @AnjaliSapra123 because she asked me to upload faster. is this fast enough for you? lol it probably won't happen again, unless i find another awesome stash. anyways, enjoy!

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401. I hate how after an argument I think of really clever stuff I should have said.

402. *Alarm set for 6:00 a.m* *Wakes up at 5:59* Who else lies back down to cherish that last minute of sleep?

403. Me: Oh good, my hair's cooperating today. Wind: Oh no, we can't have that.

404. Why do Olympions bite their medals? Like, "Oh hey, is this edible?

405. Letting the dishes "soak" is the same as saying "I don't feel like doing the dishes right now."

406. I could be a morning person....if morning started around noon.

407. "Your call is very important to us, so please enjoy this 40 minute long flute solo."

408. I live in the constant fear of accidentally hearing a Justin Bieber song and liking it.

409. Of Course I talk to myself... Sometimes I need expert advice!

410. It takes 43 muscles to frown, and yet it's still not an Olympic event. Ridiculous.

411. Whoever snuck the 'S' into Fast Food ...well played!

412. That awkward moment when Santa has the same wrapping paper as your parents.

413. You text him, he doesn't text back. Obviously he was so excited that you texted him, that he fainted. Obviously.

414. When eating food, I always start with whatever I like the least.

415. Me: "Need some help washing those dishes?" Mom: "Oh, no thanks. I got this." *10 minutes later* Mom: "I swear I get NO HELP around this house!!!"

416. "Dad, I'm hungry."

"Hi, Hungry. I'm Dad."

"Dad, I'm serious."

"I thought you were Hungry?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Nope, I'm Dad..."

417. The moment when you ask someone if they want to try a bite your food in hopes they offer you some of theirs.

418. Those who say it cannot be done shouldn't interrupt the people doing it.

419. Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.

420. I'm not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.

421. Funny how I have a better conversation in my head with myself than I do with most people.

422. If a comedian is in a wheelchair, is it still stand-up comedy? No, but it is still wheelie funny!!

423. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

424. Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.

425. People like you are the reason people like me take pills.

426. If the opposite of pro is con, then what must be the opposite of progress?

427. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now!

428. Never test the depth of water with both feet.

429. The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.