Ranting🤷

Dear Grandma

Dear Mawmaw,
Can't you at least try to understand me. You know I'm depressed and you know I want to kill myself but you act like nothing ever happened. I know Sara and Kristy have told you about the things I post and the cops even came once because I said I was going to kill myself and yet you don't do anything to make my life any easier. My room is never clean because I have no motivation to clean it. Taking my phone away isn't going to make me clean my room it'll just make me sit in bed all the time crying because I have nothing to make me happy. What if one day I do kill myself? You'll think it's your fault for not doing anything and it will be your fault. You've said so many times you'd get me into to counseling but I've never talked to an actual counselor in my entire life. You were mad that I skipped school to not be in the spelling bee but you should be telling me it's alright to be scared sometimes instead of yelling at me for it. You don't understand how terrifying it is for me to be watched by the entire school at once. Whenever you see me with red eyes after crying you ask what happened and I'll say my show was sad, but it wasn't my show. I was crying because I was wishing I could hang myself. When you believe me when I say my show was sad, that makes me cry even more because you're too ignorant to realize what's going on in my life. You never went through anything I did. I hate living with you.