To Love Again

Chapter One: The Feelings

Sam's POV

Every Sunday, I see her. Her smile, her laugh, listening in her jokes, watching her dominate every performance she does, and the way she talks. I miss her, I really do. Why was I stupid enough not to face her parents before? Face the truth that I really did love her. Not being with Toni is my biggest regret to this day.

Today is another Sunday, rehearsals for today and I have two prod numbers with her and the opening prod, too. God, I'm nervous. Sweating bullets.

"Samuel!" she's here, she's the only one who calls me Samuel. She had coffee in her hand, and the mic on the other. I much prefer her natural self, white t-shirt, blue jeans and her blue rubber shoes.

"Hey Tin!" I greeted as I gave her a kiss on her cheek, like the usual, fast and subtle.

"Ready ka na?" She asked as she set her coffee and mic on one of the chairs. Then Mr. M called us over to get on stage.

"Sam, Toni. You are both starting on center stage" Mr. M instructed, this is very first all out dance number. The rehearsals were difficult for me, I was nervous about everything.

The music started to play, this was a contemporary dance and the song playing was Say Something by Christina Aguilera and Great Big World. Of all the songs that they could choose, why this one? Does this mean something?

She looked at me right in the eye before we started and she smiled at me, "Ready?" I just nodded, feeling like a teenager dancing with his schoolgirl crush. Damn, I am. I'm dancing with the woman I like and love.

"That was great, take five!" Mr. M called out, I think. But I was still holding her, her back and her leg up to my waist. I didn't want to stop holding her, but reality strikes. She's with Paul, so I let her go.

■ ■ ■ ■

"Sam! Can you give this to Toni?" Garlic asked, one of our producers. I was questioning what was in there, I took a little peek. Then I went looking for Toni's dressing room.

I knocked on the door, I find her in her make up chair before all the make up was on her face. Like I said, she's more beautiful in her natural state, "Tin!"

She turned around which seemed like slow motion, her hair flips, she shows her smile then the funny thing she does, her funny face that always cheers me up, "I have something for you" I said as I gave her the bag.

"Galing kay Garlic?" She asked with a smirk.

I nodded, "See you later na lang, Tin" I said goodbye and went to my dressing room.

I need to back away, learn to ignore her when she's there, not completely but ignore your feelings for her Sam. Be tough, I need help. "JOHN!"

"Sam! Punta ka ba sa amin mamaya?" he asked, he's become a great friend of mine. Like a brother.

"Oo, pupunta ako"

■ ■ ■ ■

There she is, Toni. She looks radiant.. no she looks gorgeous, beautiful. Damn, stop it Sam! I can do this, here she comes.

"Sam, pwede ba makuha opinyon mo? I'm trying to buy a gift" Of course, a gift for Paul. Ugh. Whatever.

"Sure" short answers are good. I looked over her phone as she showed me a couple of things she would like to give him.

"Which watch? Gusto ko 'to pero feeling ko hindi naman niya magugustuhan kung eto.. pero this one naman, parang the watch might be too small for him" she explained, why am I here?

"I think he'd like this one" I chose the first one, I wasn't going to be an ass for making her choose the other one, she was right it was small. She thanked me, and then I walked right away, I didn't want to stay before I make a fool of myself.

I'm just trying to get through this day, trying my best she doesn't see me unless we have to do a prod or a spiel, "San ka pupunta?" John asked as he stopped me.

"Sa dressing room?" He saw me walk away.

"Kaibigan ko rin siya, ano ginagawa mo?" John asked.

"I'm backing off. Kailangan, nasasaktan ako at alam ko kung bakit. Mahal ko pa rin siya" there I admitted it to someone else than myself.

"Sam, meron na siyang iba and he's a good man for her" He reminded me.

"Alam ko"

■ ■ ■ ■

It was time for our prod.

"Sam Milby and Toni Gonzaga!" They announced.

We danced like we rehearsed, the lyrics are stuck to my head.. 'Say something, I'm giving up on you' I feel terrible. This is the reason why, I didn't say something. It's my fault.

"Ang galing natin!" She cheered as she hugged me but I didn't hug her back.

"Great job" short answers work well for me, and leaving her right after I say something.

John's here, I walked to him, "Saan siya?"asked.

"Tumingin siya sayo, tapos nag wave siya sa akin. Then I smiled back to her. Ngayon, umaalis na siya" He told.

"Masama ba akong tao?" Did I really have to ask myself that? Of course.

"Medyo"

■ ■ ■ ■

I passed by her dressing room and she wasn't there.

Then out of nowhere, "Sam, ano ginagawa mo dito?" Toni asked as I see her wiping her tears.

"Tin, are you okay?" What's wrong? Tell me. Why are you crying. What happened?

"You've been dodging me every chance you get. Now you ask me kung okay lang ako? Please leave me alone, Sam. Please" She told, as she slammed the door right in front of my face. What happened to her?

■ ■ ■ ■

Where is she? Where is Toni? I haven't seen her since I saw her earlier. I've called, texted so many times. Every chance I get. But no answer.

There's only one place I know where she could be, the coffee shop. I remember how she would be there when she has a problem, she said it's quiet and she can hear herself think.

■ ■ ■ ■

There she is. Sitting on her usual table, she liked on the tall stool, something about feeling tall? I don't know.

I walked up to her, and sat down on the stool across from her.

"You've been a total jerk today, bakit?" Toni asked as she downed her coffee.

"I--"

"Wag ka na magsalita, sabihin mo lang sa akin kung magkaibigan pa rin tayo. So I can go to another with what I'm dealing with right now" She explained to me, I feel like a horrible person. I'm a jerk.

"Come with me, okay? Magkaibigan pa rin tayo and lagi ako nandito para sayo" I assured.

"Di ako pwede tonight. Birthday ng Daddy ko.. remember the watch kanina?"

"I thought para kay Paul.."

She stood up from her seat and grabbed her purse, "Wala na kami ni Paul"

"What? Why?"

"Things happen, I have to go.."