When Steve saved her, he didn't think he would grow so attached. When Steve left her, she didn't think she'd survive.
(AU themes)
Steve x OC. Eventual Bucky X OC.
18+.
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In her exhaustion after the last exam period, Janie's thoughts and ideas had become a blur. She was grateful for the two weeks between Christmas and New Year's she'd have off, unable to think about school another minute.
With the ability to finally forget about scholarly duties, however, came the fear of the holidays. Christmas especially would be hard, as it had been for quite some time and even though she should probably be used to it by now, Janie couldn't help the familiar itch inside her throat that slowly crept up on her every December. It wouldn't come to fade until mid-January when the last people had finally taken the time to rid their homes of the festive decorations they sometimes started putting up in late November and on a rare occasion, the itch would turn into a tightening sensation all the way towards the week leading up to February.
She hated reminding herself of what Christmas used to be like, back when her family could still pretend to be just that; a family. The smell of freshly baked cookies and pine-scented candles, the twinkling of the lights on the porch, and the thin layer of powdery snow. Even the Christmas tree, although a fake, with neatly wrapped presents underneath it. It was a charade, she knew that now, to allow the neighbors to think they were as functional a family as any other family down the street.
Steve could hardly remember Christmas with his family. They were different times, much different from now. He didn't remember the streets decorated with lights, nor did he remember the trees or the presents. The food was something he didn't much like to think about because there'd never been much of it and even though his mother always tried very hard, it never tasted very good.
He remembered the gloom, the constant cold in his tiny home in Brooklyn, remembered his best friend, always dragging him through the holidays with his wit and charm, attributes Steve always found himself to be lacking, but even those memories were fading with each year passing by, time stretching continuously forward, taking him further away from the place he once grew up in.
Sometimes he wondered if there was another version of himself out there, a version of him that hadn't been trapped in thick, encapsulating ice for 70 years. One that had gone home after the war to live out his life as it had started. He wondered if he was happier, hoped sometimes he could just take a peak into the other Steve's life, just for a short while, just so he would know. Sometimes he wished the world had frozen in time with him, thawing slowly alongside him so he could just continue where he left off.
But then, he would wake up, and remember.
One thing that followed him to the 21st century was the gloom. Through all the friendships he'd built, the music he'd come to appreciate and the habits he'd become accustomed to, the familiar darkness that hung over his head like a mist seemed to have found a way to track him down, clinging to his skin like bacteria.
It came as a surprise to him to find the bitterness dissipating whenever he was around her. The changes were subtle at first, barely noticeable through their brief interactions and lighthearted conversations, but when he found himself looking for her in a crowd, hoping to hear her voice instead of whoever was talking to him, Steve finally began to take note.
