FROSTBITE | S. Rogers/B. Barnes (FINISHED)

Brain Freeze

She screamed, not from pain, but from knowing. Knowing what she was about to be capable of, of what she was going to do once the words repeated themselves enough inside her throbbing head, resonating in her skull. Still aware yet already beginning to fall into a daze she feared she would never awake from. She had never heard those words before in the same sequence and didn't speak a word of Russian, but the menacing tone in which they were said was all-telling. She supposed this was what torture was like. Her stomach rumbled, she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a decent meal. 

Hopelessness kicked in at the sound of the second word. Rusted, like she felt rusted to the chains that bound her to the wheelchair her father had strapped her to after kidnapping her. Images of Steve's face sped in front of her eyes, which rolled in the back of her head when the words vibrated through her bones, crushing her soul into oblivion. She cried because she knew once the recording would stop, she would no longer be herself. Her emotions turned into a mess while she hung her head low, knowing what she would do once this was done. 

She tried desperately to steady her breathing and calm her nerves, hoping it would slow down the inevitable process of turning into a shell of her former self. Only once had he told her about what it felt like inside the chamber, blue serum coursing violently through his veins, not knowing if he would ever make it out to the other side in one piece. Not knowing if he would still be him. She wondered if this was how James felt when the words were said to him and shivered at the thought of having to find him so they could kill Steve together, kill all of them together like some sick romance novel. How they would betray him and leave him to die just because of a sequence of words that, when spoken individually, meant nothing. 

Everything ached. It hurt, the restraints around her reddened wrists, the icy water underneath her seat, and that awful burning in her every limb, undoubtedly caused by the liquid inside her that ran from the tips of her toes to the very top of her head. Sweat poured out of every pore despite the freezing temperature inside the room and she clenched her jaw until it ached. Death would be easier, she thought. It would make it go away. She wouldn't be able to live with herself after this anyway, so what was the point? A gut-wrenching scream left her lips when the pain intensified and she flinched, hot tears streaming down her crimson cheeks and her feet wiggling anxiously. 

The pain began to subside. It ebbed away along with the details of Steve's facial features and the memory of his scent on her skin. Whether it had been hours or days, she didn't know. All she could think of now was open water, flowing rough and violent, its color strikingly blue and depths unmeasured. The Winter Soldier, he was her life now, her number one priority. His compliance was her world. When she closed her eyes, she no longer thought of Steve, or the other Avengers, who at this point, would probably be aware of her disappearance. 

Tears dried upon her cheeks, and as the flames underneath Janie's skin came to a close, her emotions vanished along with the physical pain. The restraints could no longer hold her in place, they had served their purpose. They snapped in half like twigs when she pulled at them in a swift motion, breaking and shattering to the floor instantly. She looked down at her hands, and saw the tiny prints on her fingers, the lines in her palm, and the tendons underneath her skin, which moved back and forth when she closed her hands into fists. She saw dust that flew around in the room, the filth everywhere. Heard voices coming from upstairs as if they were speaking directly to her. Her head began to throb.