nothing

2.

What I'm imagining is going on is...

I'm having a really bad time trying to put all that into words, but...

What's going on is, I think, exactly that.

I don't understand what I'm feeling, or worse, I don't want to get it.

I really don't know.

I feel like it's because of who I ended up being...

Weird, but interesting sometimes.

I'm not blaming it on the people around me, because it is, in fact, my fault.

I'm either ignored, or the center of attention.

Both really stress me, because if people ignore me, that means...

Something's wrong with that kid that threatens to get under the table at...

Literally any minor inconvenience.

You learn at school that during an earthquake or whatever...

A catastrophe in any case, unless it's fire, of course, that...

That you should get under the table to protect yourself.

Whenever I'm the center of attention that's exactly what I want to do.

Flee.

Hide.

Be alone.

Make everyone stop paying attention to me and go away.

But when I actually am alone, I don't know what the hell to do with myself...

Hah, except typing weird letters to the imaginary therapist.

Or someone else, if I decide to share this with others for some reason.

It's like my life itself is getting better, but I'm still in the position of like...

You're either ignored- you're either nothing or everything.

I can't live like that.

It's unbearable.

I think I'll keep other topics for another day, when I'm feeling...

Uh...

Feeling capable of talking about that.