Unexpected

20

ETHAN POV

3 weeks.

It had been 3 weeks since I had single handedly destroyed the one thing I cared about more than my brother.

3 weeks of hating myself for allowing it to happen.

3 weeks of being completely alone.

21 days of texting her knowing she wouldn't answer. Calling her just to hear her voice on her voicemail.

Today was the 22nd day, but it would be just like every day before it.

I longed for this day to be different. I wanted to do something to show Emma I still cared. I wanted to show up at her doorstep, drop down on my knees and beg her to take me back. But, I feared I had already done too much damage; maybe she would be better off forgetting all about me.

I had done the same thing Meredith had done to me years earlier. The same thing I swore to her I would never forgive her for. Yet I still yearned for Emma's forgiveness. I needed it. I needed her. We had barely just begun and things had already ended. I still had so many future plans for us and so much love left to give.

Meredith. Her name tasted like battery acid on my tongue. She was destruction and I'd fallen into her games once again.  I briefly flirted with the thought of taking her up on her proposition. I had been on a path of self destruction and I was sure I could stomach a few months of deceit, seeing as how I felt numb to everything right now.

I felt like a stranger in my own home. I was no longer waking up to Emma's cold feet on my calves or the smell of the sugar cookie candles she loved so much. I missed having her wrapped around my body every morning. I even missed waking up early to surprise her with coffee and breakfast in bed. She had changed me into a morning person because she gave me a reason to look forward to waking up. Waking up early was no longer dreadful, it gave me more time to spend with her each day.

There was a knock on my door and Grayson emerged seconds later. "Do you plan on getting up today?"

"What's the point?" I pulled the covers over my head, hoping he would catch the hint.

"Dude come on, you look disgusting. At least get up and shower." He sighed, flopping down on the bed next to me. He pulled the covers down, forcing me to look at him. "You have to do something about it."

"Whats the point. She's never going to forgive me for what I did. She won't answer my calls, she won't even answer yours." I turned on my side angrily. I didn't need another bullshit pep talk from my perfect brother.

He didn't understand and he never would. He had never fucked up something as badly as I had. Meredith had snaked her way back into my life yet again. Even when I tried to push her away she stuck to me like the plague.

"Emma will forgive you if you just explain things to her, E. You have to at least try" He laid his head on my shoulder the same way he did when we were children. It was Grayson's way of comforting me when words wouldn't help.

"Im going to need your help."

—

I called her one more time, knowing she wouldn't answer but still holding on to the glimmer of hope that she would. 7 rings, on the 8th it would go to voicemail. "You reached Emma leave your message after the beep." Hearing her voice gave me the courage I needed to go through with Grayson's idiotic plan.

It was a terrible plan, there were too many possible outcomes in which things could go catastrophically wrong. I didn't care, I was determined to see her. Even if she screamed at me, even if she said she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I had to see her, even if it was for the last time.

I put my shoes on and ran my fingers through my hair, shaking the last nerves from my body. Grabbing my keys and wallet and I called out to Grayson letting him know it was time.

The drive to the grove felt endless. I tried mentally preparing myself with what I would say. Maybe if I formulated the perfect apology Emma would understand how much I deeply regretted letting things go as far as they did. My mind drew blank. I couldn't think of the perfect words to say, all I could picture was Emma's distressed face the night of her birthday when she found us.

Us. The word sounded dirty in my mind. There was no us between Meredith and I. There was me, the poor bastard who had naively fallen in love with her years ago and her, the selfish girl whose personal agenda trumped all regards for others.

I wanted to be calm and calculated, but planning some big speech to give Emma felt ingenuine. I prayed when I saw her the right words to say would magically slip off my tongue. She needed to know how much I cared about her and how I would do anything to fix our relationship.

I pulled into the first parking spot I could find and hopped out, the nerves gnawing at my stomach. I was grateful James and Grayson had agreed to help me. If it wasn't for them I may have never gotten the opportunity to make things right.

James claimed he was only betraying his friend's trust by tricking her into seeing me because he was worried about her. He made it clear that he didn't want to choose between us, but if this encounter hurt her further in any way he would choose her. Hearing him so distraught when speaking about Emma added pressure to my apology. Mostly, it made me afraid to see her. I was afraid to face the damage that I had caused. I knew things had to be bad for James to lie to her.

I took a deep breath, pushing the double doors open and walking into the mall. Grayson placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I gave him a small smile despite my inner turmoil.

When I saw her my heart shattered. I didn't know it was possible to feel deeper pain than the hell I had been living in. She was ghost of the girl I had been falling in love with. Her face was almost unrecognizable, if she hadn't been with James I wouldn't have believed the girl standing before me was Emma.

Every word I had planned on saying had disappeared from my thoughts. Grayson approached them, but I faltered, my feet gluing me in place. When she noticed Grayson she broke out into a smile, it was the only thing that bore resemblance to the old Emma. She hugged him, her thin arms tightening against the embrace. When they pulled apart, Grayson said something to her that made her realize I was with him. Her face fell and she turned to James. I couldn't hear them, but I watched her lips as she spoke. You lied to me. The words were as clear as if they had been spoken to me.

She looked reluctant, but after a moment she began walking towards me. I wanted to step forward but the fear and realization I had damaged her, perhaps beyond repair, held me paralyzed.

"Hey" her voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. She attempted a smile, but her gaunt features distorted it into more of grimace.

I couldn't speak.