white noise

four

The sun sets in front of a great window in our living room. I sit on the large sil as Josefina tightly braids my wet hair, feeling the warm rays break through the window. She pulls the strands hard, making sure they are all tucked in neat.

    Her and I both stay quiet. Anxiety plagues both of us. A party for Josefina means running around, refilling glasses and replenishing food supplies.

    A party for me means answering the same questions over and over again, putting a plastered smile on my face, and pretending I am overjoyed to see everybody, even though I would rather be alone right now.

    I cannot think of anything else besides my swim with David. I could feel the flow of his body under mine, his feet kicking while I swam under him, looking up at his body.

    He was only on my mind because he was our first guest. I had to get acclimated with him.

    Josefina asks me something seemingly unimportant, because she does not repeat it when I don't answer.

    She finishes the braid and  ties it off. I quickly stand, but she grabs my shoulder and sits me back down. You've been quiet since you've gotten here. I have? Yes, more than usual. A lot on my mind.

    "Well, share it with me sometime soon then."

    "I will. Once I know exactly what it is."

        I rise, and begin walking up to my room to get dressed, then Josefina says- "Wear that white dress I hung up."

    Continue walking.

I spot the neighbors coming down the trails, all meeting in the backyard, sitting at the large table, where my mother and Josefina put out spreads of cheeses, wines, breads and olives. Everyone brings their own wine glasses, and more often than not eat with their hands.

I stand in my room, in front of my mirror. Josefina's white dress hugged my breast, but softly flowed out right after them. I put my sweater over it. There was no reason to wear a white dress to a wine party.

I slip on my sandals and wait by my door until I don't hear anyone near the staircase. There is no need for an entrance tonight. This was Lavinia's summer, and she would be happy to hear I accepted that so soon. 

I finally pull my door open, and quickly patter down the long steps. My sister and David almost run into me when I reach the bottom.

"There you are!" Lavinia loudy exclaimed. "David and I were going to go say hi to everyone, then head to another party down the street. Want to join?" Lavinia looks at me with a hopeful smile. Her and I do get along, and it seems tonight she is setting the mood to do so.

David looks at me, his eyes seeming to trace my braid. I pretend not to notice it. I respond, "Maybe. It depends who's here."

"Jemima, it's the first house hopping party of the summer. Everyone is going to be here. Josefina said she will save some of the cleanup for us so we don't feel too bad. So, let's just go please."

I'm shocked that Lavinia wants me to go this badly. I thought she was asking as a courtesy. But instead she waits for my response a second time.

"I guess," I say hesitantly. "But I don't need to say hi to everyone. I'm sure I will see them tomorrow."

Lavinia smiles at me, says "you should change, the dress underneath is better than the sweater on top," and then pulls David with her, leading him to the porch.

I run upstairs again. I stare in the mirror at the sweater that sits lazily on my shoulders. I liked it. But it still took all my courage not to take it off. My rationale was that it will be cold and breezy tonight. It is the mountains after all.