white noise

seven

Marcel and I pick up where we left off last night. It feels more frenzied, like we are trying to prove ourselves to each other. We stand in the hallway leading to the stairs, just out of view from the party. He unbuttons my shorts and sticks his hand down my pants. I let out a soft moan in his ear as he finds my clit and begins massaging it slowly. I lift up his shirt and feel his chest, my warm hands meeting his stomach makes him moan.

I can feel him becoming hard against me. He kisses my neck, my shoulders, anything he can get his lips on.

I become aware of where we are, and the fact that anyone could walk by and see us.  I ask him "where can we go?"

He takes my hand and leads me up the stairs. When we come to the first landing Marcel runs into someone. David.

He is always lurking about, looking to give me a judgmental stare. I look up to face him, to show him I don't care what he thinks of me. Instead of the suspected judgment, he is looking at me with what appears to be... pity? Sympathy? Worry?

Words disappear while him and Marcel are in an exchange. A deep white noise fills my ears, so loud it sounds like ringing. They talk only for seconds, but it feels like hours. Marcel tugs on my hand, and we continue going up the stairs. David brushes by me, his pinkie rubbing against my hand, obviously on purpose.

How dare he. How dare he touch me like that, look at me like that after what he did to me this morning. He embarrassed me, and now looks upon me with pity.

We get to Marcel's room and I am still engulfed in anger. I hated how much I wanted David. How when he just touched me with his pinkie my body melted a little bit.

I remove my shorts and shirt and sit on the bed in just my bra. "Take off your clothes," I order to Marcel. I remove my bra as he removes his pants. I don't look at his body. I know if I do I will compare it to David's. I slide up on the bed, signaling for him to come between my legs.

He enters me, and begins pumping in and out quickly and frantically. I know he is trying to prove himself, to show me what I was missing last night.

He kisses my neck, my collar bones, all while filling me. He's letting out moans, seeming to enjoy himself. All the while I stare into the corner of his room, in the doorway looking at David looking at me. I don't know if it's really him or not.

I wanted to put on a show for him, real or not. I push Marcel's head down, asking him to taste me. He obliged, and soon he's in between my legs, his tongue and fingers pleasuring me. I stare into David's mirage, all while I come on Marcel's fingers.

He finishes in my hand, and David has left the room. I really am going mad. I quickly get redressed and cross the hall into the bathroom. I stare at this stranger in the mirror, who performs sex acts for a figment of her imagination. This isn't me.

A knock on the door. I expect it to be Marcel, him asking if i'm okay because that's what he thinks he is suppose to do. Instead it's Lavinia, with David behind her.

"Can you take us home please? I can't drive and neither can David."

I look at her and nod, then look at David. Had he been in the room? The bigger question would be if I wanted him to be in the room. I don't know the answer.

**********************

"I need to sit in the back and lay down." Lavinia says as she moves a seat back.

"Vinny it's a five minute drive, please sit up front with me," I beg. I can't be near David right now. My ears are still singing from before. My pleas go unanswered as she lays down, forcing David to climb in next to me.