Beauty and the Beast

Day 27

Silke,
I remember our last night together, the last night we ever spent together. It was absolutely glorious—we went to the opera, then the bar, and finally stumbled back to my hotel room, where we fell upon each other with whatever vigor the alcohol hadn't sapped us of. We didn't get anywhere, and conceded with falling asleep literally entangled in each other. I remember waking up and musing about how I would forget how to sleep like a human being if I spent any more time with you.
I remember the covers were pulled up to my chin and that you were gone, the indent in the sheets where your body once was cold to the touch.
You walked in a little while later, after I had already gotten out of bed. I remember opening the door to the bathroom, steam from the hot bath I had just taken swirling and eddying around me, and seeing you in front of the mirror, admiring the chunky braid you had done your hair in. Clad in just a white satin robe that clung to your figure like a gossamer spider web does to a windowpane, you looked so celestial, so heavenly at that moment.
You turned around at the sound of the door opening, your eyes lighting up. For a moment we just stood there; you in the robe; me in the fluffy white towel I had haphazardly wrapped around my waist. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have someone as beautiful as you in my life, to the point where I didn't even bother to look askance at another woman. There were many pretty girls around, and no shortage of them, but you made them all pale in comparison. You were beautiful...strong...and you had the most unique personality I had ever seen on a girl—and you were mine.
I cleared the space between us in a brisk walk, my hands going to your hips. Our bodies fit perfectly together, the lines and curves of our respective frames interlocking securely with one another like puzzle pieces. Your arms wound around my neck like a hospital brace, and I effortlessly swooped you off the floor, upon which you wrapped your legs around my waist.
I wanted to swoon. I had no idea what I had done to deserve someone like you. I was in love, Silke, truly in love with you. I loved you to death; I loved you more than anything in the whole world—not just at that moment, but always and forever. I felt like my heart was going to shatter my rib cage as I kissed you and felt it expand to twice its size.
My towel joined your robe on the floor; I didn't give a damn that I had just taken a shower and you didn't seem to mind that you would have to take another one.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you to Kiel?"you asked me as soon as you had caught your breath. I didn't bother rolling off of you just yet; I wanted this moment to last for as long as possible.
"No," I told you, "you stay here. Stay here and write to me every day; call me if you can. If I don't hear from you every day I'll go crazy." I placed my hands on either side of your face, eyeing your parted lips like a starving man. "And when I get back from Kiel, we're going to get married." I teasingly lowered my head so that it was centimeters from yours. "Silke Heydrich. How does that sound?"
"Oh, it sounds absolutely wonderful. It has a nice ring to it. Much better than 'Silke Weber.' Have you made your mind up about whether you want Klaus to be our first son or Heider?"
I felt my lips split in a wide grin. "Come to think of it, i want both of them at the same time. Give me twins."
"Twins are rare," you said, shifting slightly beneath me. I flinched at that effect that had on our connected bodies. "We'd have to try so many times for that."
"I don't mind," I said, my insatiable hunger for you gradually returning as you ran your hand down my torso. "Look at us now—and this is when we are still lovers and need to be secretive about it. Once we get married, you're mine by every religious decree there is. Believe me, I have my work cut out for me, and frankly—" I ran my knuckles down the side of your face. "—so do you."

The morning sunlight was beginning to filter in through the drawn blinds. I reluctantly extricated myself from your embrace and wrapped the towel around my hips once more. You watched me, your knees drawn to your chest.
"I won't be long," I said.

We embraced for the final time at the train station. I literally felt like my heart was about to crack into two halves from hearing you cry into my shoulder.
"I told you, I'll be back before you know it," i said, willing my voice not to crack. "And I'll stay in touch with you, I swear it."
I feel you nod, but your hold on me only tightens. I bury my face in your hair, struggling to keep my emotions in check.
You let go of me after what seemed like an eternity. I take my handkerchief out of the pocket of my uniform coat and swipe gingerly at your cheeks, trying not to laugh at the fact that you are crying black tears now because of your makeup.
"Oh my." You catch a glimpse of yourself in one of the shiny poles near the platform. "My face—"
I laugh unrestrainedly. "Go home and redo it after I'm gone."
"No, Reinhard, I'm not leaving," you said, clasping my hands in yours. "I'm staying here until you come back. I'll watch the trains bringing soldiers to and fro from their positions and the moment I see you I'll—"
I kissed you hard on the lips; cutting off your words. "You'll do no such thing. You have to go to school, and you have to take care of your younger siblings. We'll stay in touch every day, I promise. And you need to sort things out behind the scenes for when we get married. I want to ask your father the minute I set foot in Berlin."
You nodded slowly. "I'll get everything taken care of. Don't worry if you can't pay for everything."
"You spoil me," I said. "Take care of yourself; that's all I want."
It was so hard for me to let go of you, Silke. I had never felt so alone in my life as I gave you my back and joined a group of my fellow naval officers standing around near the train. You was still staring at me, even as I boarded the train and managed, not without difficulty, to get a window seat.
A sharp tap on the glass five minutes into sitting there made me turn around. You were standing there, your face pressed up against the glass, your hands leaving steamy imprints on the window. I cranked it down and lowered my forehead to yours.
"What?"
"You won't forget me, will you, Reinhard?"
At that moment in time, forgetting you was as alien to me as becoming an atheist was. How could I ever do something like that, I thought.
"I won't," I said. "I swear to God I won't. Not now, not ever. But you have to promise you won't forget me, either."
You said you wouldn't. I pressed my lips to yours for what I didn't know would be the last time.
"I love you, Reinhard," you said.
"I love you, too."
The train's whistle made the two of us jump apart. I watched as you backpedaled onto the platform and lifted my hand to you in farewell. I hung out of the window, craning my neck to watch you get smaller and smaller and smaller, until you were nothing but a speck on the horizon.
And then you were gone.
Who forgot who, Silke? Whose fault was it that we aren't together today? What went wrong?
Eternally yours,
Reinhard