tales of a bittersweet love affair.

never fade away

(speaking from emotion)

8/20/14 - never fade away

this always happens to me, something always gets in the way, if it's not distance it's age. i wish he wasn't scared cuz im not scared of anything headed our way, why doesn't he realize that i love him too much to let anything happen to him--to us. he has no idea, he doesn't understand (how can i make him understand) do i even understand? what does he mean he talked to jalen, is he foreal? we can't be over, we just can't. if we're over i'd have to see him all the time, being so happy without me, eventually replacing me with somebody his age with straight teeth and long hair who isn't terrifed of sex or having a baby (like i am) but i can't imagine her loving him like i love him caring for him like i care, being as willing to sacrifice for him like i am. all my worst fears, my most disturbing nightmares are coming true with that thought of losing you. how can we be over when we've only just begun? you're not going tto jail you're not going to jail, you're really not, why don't you believe me? we just can't let htis happen to us we cant let fear swallow up our happiness and chew us out when there's nothing left but hurt and tears and loneliness. i know you care, i know you do, forgive me for saying you didn't but i don't want you to give up on us. i know you trust me, i know you do you know that i would never lie i'd never cheat i'd never do anything to make you hurt. i'm here to heal the wounds to ease the doom. so why throw me away? not because of this, not for this reason. just letme do for you what you did for me, even when you didn't know it you were healing my wounds and easing the doom until it all disappeared. 

theres is so much left here for you, i never doubted you i never thought you'd break your heart and here it is, the fourth time today and i know you don't meet too. im still trying, not giving up, doesn't that prove my loyalty? please dont be afraid, don't make this about the world, make this about you and me, only you and me like we're the only ones here with no one and nothing in between. and if i'm crazy i'm crazy for you, if im weird, you know you are too and if i'm irreplaceable unforgettable then i'll never fade away so don't forget me don't replace me. if you never change then i'll never go away, if you never change then you know i'm here to stay. you knw how it hurts to be left to be abandoned to be doubted don't leave me feeling so bittersweet. bitter that you're gone and left with the sweetest memories because i'll know what i've lost. whenever wherever whatever. just don't fucking leave me.