The Diary Of A Teenage Girl [COMPLETED]

31/12

I sat in front of the phone, contemplating my life's decisions.

I couldn't back out now, I'd told him I was going to call, asked him what time I should. He'd said seven. So I'd waited, clockwatching, since seven o'clock. Since I'd had my idea. I thought it was a good idea, at first. I mean, what better day to do it then on New Year's Eve? My parents were downstairs having a party while I was locked up in my bedroom because I wasn't allowed to go out with mocks so near. My mum didn't trust me not to get drunk.

I'd tried to do something to distract myself, I really did, like doing revision, but each time I ended back in front of my bedroom clock, watching it tick by, minute by minute, second by second.

Right now, the clock said 8:58. I didn't want it to reach nine. I didn't. He'd told me to call him before he went out because after that he wouldn't be home until morning. I'd never done anything like this before. I always waited for the boys to come to me. I'd learnt that they didn't. Xander was an exception, my first boyfriend. Maybe that's why I was doing this. I was aware I could ruin a friendship. I tried to reassure myself I wouldn't - he liked me too. I mean, why else would he flirt with me all the time?

I wasn't being vain, I was good a reading people. I was sure he liked me. The signs were there, they were just a bit inconsistent sometimes. But I was sure he liked me.

8:59

But there was always the doubt. The doubt that was causing nervousness to wrack through my whole body at what I was about to do. I was sure he liked me. But what if he didn't?

8:59.25

He did like me, though. The touching, he was always finding excuses to touch me. And we consistently sent kisses at the end of our text messages. And if he forgot to put one at the end of a message he'd sent it in the message after.

8:59.55

But what if that was just how he was with his friends? What if he treated everyone like that? What if that's just what he's like? I don't remember what Vivi said about him, she didn't really say all that much. Is that how he treats her? I know they're still friends but I don't really see them interact. We don't really hang out as a group all that much anymore.

8:59.90

He'd implied that he wanted to kiss me. If that wasn't proof enough, I don't know what is.

9:00

The clock flicked over and I knew I had to call him. I also knew if I didn't call him soon enough he would call me. He could tell the time, he knew what time it was and he would have places to be soon. I contemplated waiting for him to call me. I contemplated ignoring it if he did call me, he'd stop calling me if I didn't answer. Or I could lock my phone away so I couldn't do anything stupid like this again. I knew that wasn't an option. We had school together if he couldn't contact me he would find me at school eventually. Maybe it wouldn't be until after mocks but it would find me.

Reluctantly, I picked up the phone, looking at it dreadingly, then called Aiden.

He answered almost straight away.

"Mei?"

"Hi," I replied, my voice faint. It was so quiet I wasn't even sure if he'd heard me but I knew he had when I heard him speak again.

"You okay?" He sounded concerned. It didn't surprise me. I didn't know what he was thinking especially after my short text I'd sent him earlier - 'I need to tell you something, when can I call you.'

He had no idea what I was going to tell him but I bet he wasn't thinking it was that I liked him.

"Yeah, I think so."

"What did you want to tell me?"

"Um...well..."

"Mei, please, can you make it quick? I told you I'm going out tonight." His concerned, caring voice switched to an annoyed one.

"Um...yeah, yeah. Sure. Um...basically, I like you." I started to feel shaking, adrenaline rushing through my body.

"Wow, fuck." Surprise filtered through his voice.

"Wow, fuck?" Now it was my turn to be surprised. That's all he has to say? I tell him I like him and all he has to say is wow, fuck?

"Yeah, Mei, wow, fuck. What do you want me to say? That I've been in love with you since I met you? This isn't a fairytale, get a grip." His annoyed tone was back. This wasn't the reaction I was expecting. I wasn't expecting a fairytale, as he'd said, but I definitely wasn't expecting this.

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to confess your love for me, that's for sure but I was expecting a little more than 'wow, fuck'." I was getting angry too, his aggression towards me showing me a side of him I'd only ever seen a few times before.

"I don't know what to say, it's not like you said something I was expecting either. Like, I thought we were just friends, I haven't really thought of you like that. Like I need time to process this information and you told me on new year's eve right before I'm about to go out with my friends. What's that all about?"

"You're going to get pissed anyway." The words came out of my mouth before I had time to think them through, my voice working faster than my head.

"Now I am, I wasn't actually planning on getting smashed but now I'll have to to take my mind of what you've just told me."

"Oh." All the rage drained from me and I was left feeling numb. He was right, I'd been inconsiderate, I should've just held my tongue. I shouldn't have ever said anything. I should've read the signs better. He didn't like me. But the signs were all there. Maybe he did like me and just hadn't had the time to realise it yet. I mean it took me time to realise I liked him. He said he needed to think so I'll give him time to think. "Okay, you need to go now, don't you? 'Cause you're going out with your friends."

"Yeah."

"So bye, talk to you whenever."

"Bye." Then the call ended with two consecutive beeps.

Tears started to fill up my eyes but I refused to let them fall. There was still hope. I just had to give him some time.

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