you used to make me sick. you used to make me think these crazy thoughts that weren't true. you used to make me bleed. there were many things you used to make me do. but there were good things, too. like the smiles and the jokes and the warmth. but it wasn't long before all of that turned into something cold. until you turned into something cold. something that i couldn't love anymore. i wanted to, i really did. but i can't. calling how i felt about you love was the wrong word to use from the start. there really wasn't a word... maybe pity was right. i felt sorry for you, that was no secret. but i'm not sure if love was ever the right word. i spent nights trying to think of the right word to use to describe it. i spent nights trying to figure out what was wrong with me. something inside of me was messed up enough to let you in... and let you stay. i have a bad habit of blaming myself for things that aren't really my fault. and you knew that. somehow, you knew who i was before i did. and it hurt.
it hurt a lot when you fractured my right hand, too. you were very, very mad at me that day. but that was nothing compared to the happiness you took from me and the guilt you replaced it with. i lied in comas with agony and regret and guilt for so long i thought i'd never wake me up. i used to say that your anger and rage was just you being misunderstood, but that wasn't true. you were just out of control. there was nothing pretty or poetic about that. it's hard to say, but you are a thief... as dirty as they come. you stole my life from me for far too long. it's time i got it back. i don't want to play mind games with you, i don't want you to hurt me anymore. i don't want you near me. you can go plague someone else now. leave, get out, GO AWAY. i don't need you, and i don't want you. i'm not going to look for you in someone else because i;m done with being sad. i'm happy now because you aren't here. it took me too long to realize that you and my happiness can't occupy the same space. it's got to be one or the other. and i'm choosing happiness.
for someone who i thought saved me, but the truth was, he only gave me the opportunity to save myself from who he was. and i did...
