Behind my smile (UNDER EDITING.)

Behind my smile (1)

"I'm perfectLy fInE truSt me".

:(
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"Hello?" My voice echoes through the plain white room, I turn my head left and right looking for anything but nothing's there. "Hello?".

I blink and rub my eyes, where am I? Why's there no one where, why am I here. Is this a dream? But it's so plain I mean-

"Hayley!"

My head snaps forward searching for the voice, the voice I couldn't hear for the rest of my life. This can't be true, his dead. "C-Caleb".

His figure appears in front of me I scream, no no no what he's dead. His hair is still the same, but he just looks older. "Hayley, why are you here! You need to go back. I don't want you here".

I blink repeatedly, am I seeing things? His actually there! He's here!
"Caleb! Oh my god, Caleb, I missed you!" I ran towards him my eyes teary.

When I Finally reach him I try and hug him but I only go through him and I fall to the floor, I stare up at him the tears falling down my eyes.

Why can't I hug him?

"W-what...Why can't I h-hug you" I chock out, my breathing suddenly uneven. He stares down at my his eyes narrowed, before scoffing he replies. "I don't want you to hug me, you left me to die how dare you?".

Feeling a weird feeling in my stomach, my chest rises and falls as I try and contain the breathing. What is he talking about? I stare at him confusion covering my teary face.

"You let me die, you let me go and you don't even care. You and Annie just act like everything is okay like you forgot me. Do I not exist?".

I bite my lip trying to hold back the sobs, I didn't forget him. I'll never forget him! He's my brother I need him--- I want him to come back.
"No! What? No, I love you--we love you, Caleb!".

My voice comes out weaker than I wanted it too, he laughs at me bitterly. "You don't love me! You left me to die! You watched me die! Why didn't you help me? Look at you guys, y'all are happy!."

"It's your fault, Hayley! Your fault I died! You could've helped me."

I scream and cry at him my sobs betray me as they leave my mouth, the tears falling and reaching my lips.
"No!No!"

"You killed me...you killed Caleb Hayley, why didn't you help me?".

His voice echoes into my ears as I scream my hands into my ears trying to ignore his voice, the voice I've always wanted to hear---im now ignoring.

"Get out, get out! Get out!" I hit my head trying to get his haunting words that are stuck in my mind. "L-leave me alone!".

He walks slowly towards me, his footsteps making noise other than my screaming. My hands find its way to my neck as I try and gasp for air.

Choking, my hands on my neck tighten. My heart hammers into my chest, my breathing suddenly stops.

I can't breathe.

His brown haunting eyes stare at me, as I struggle to breathe I start choking. My hands around my neck making numb, my throat dry.

It all happened so fast, he pushes me as I fall into my back I scream out In pain my back stretched forward as I scream turns to muffled chocking.

"It's your fault".

I scream my eyes opening as I look around finding myself in my bedroom my hands on my neck, I remove it. A huge red mark plastered into my neck, I breathe in and out. Feeling hot and sweaty, I get up feeling really sick.

Running into the toilet, my stomach throws up everything I ate last night for dinner. My hair is all over my sweaty face.

Just a nightmare.

I sob as I fall down into the floor banging my head into the cupboard behind me. I dig my dirty, sweaty hands into my face.

The tears falling down everywhere, his words repeat over and over again into my head. Never had a nightmare like that, but it's nothing.

No one saw me, and no one knows.

And I'm going to keep it that way.

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"How was your day hay?" My mum asks, the YouTube camera staring at me as I enter the house. I've just left the first day of school.

Finally, I'm home.

I shrug walking up to my mum, dropping my bad next to the door in the process. I'm hungry. "It's fine, the usual. Annoying, boring and yeah".

I'm hungry.

My mum nods her head and moves the camera to the dogs, I enter the kitchen. I'm hungry. I didn't eat anything for lunch, I felt like I was going to throw up.

"Oooooo" I whisper as I look at all the sweets in the cupboard, Grabbing an oreo packet I walk out and with mum to the back garden where the swimming pool is.

"Hey Hayley, Annie's about to come do you guys want to swim?" I thought about it for a second before nodding my head. "Okay go inside as I heat it".

In the way to my bedroom, I pass a mirror, stopping to see how my hair looks the reflection scares me.

Why is he everywhere?

Caleb stares back at me, a frown on his face, he looks so tired and ill but fine at the same time. I rub my eyes, then find myself staring at me this time.

Suddenly Feeling really off and ill, I put down the oreo packet and walk off. Imagining his dark eyes glaring at the back of my head.

"IM HOME!" Annie yells I look down from the stairs, as I stare at her this huge smile on her face as she drops her bag and runs to hug the dogs. "Yeah! Such a cool day, Haydens in most of my classes and-".

I ignore her talking to my mum and carry on walking to the bedroom, shutting my door shut. I groan in annoyance, why is she always happy?
Why can't I be happy? Everyone else is ...isn't it my turn?

It should be my turn.

I'm done with fake smiling to people and acting like everything is okay when it's not, I want people to see how broken I am. And how I keep having these stupid nightmares----well it was only today.

But it still counts.

"HAYLEY!" Annie yells, walking into my bedroom, I'm already changed into my bikini. "You ready?".

"Yeah" I smile at her, she's ready as well Her smile is bigger than my future, "let's go".

I shut my bedroom light the darkness appears and the bright colours disappear, I mean there is no such thing as bright.

And happiness.

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The first chapter, what do you think? Too short? Boring? Idk.

Also is it to point out, half this book is depressing lmao, Hayley has nightmares and things y' know? Also, this book will be updated at least ones a week, but if your lucky it would he twice.

~shisterrrrrrŕ