Behind my smile (UNDER EDITING.)

Behind my smile (2)

~love didn't hurt you. Someone that didn't know how to love hurt you.
Don't confuse the two~

•••

"Goodnight" I yell from the stairs, I got out the pool an hour ago had a shower and did all the things I need to do, right now I'm going to sleep.

I hear my mum laugh loudly, she's Probably somewhere with Annie or the dogs, I am always the last choice. I roll my eyes, I didn't even get a reply.

"Whatever" I climb into my bed, hiding behind the purple cover. I stare out the window, the clear sky giving a bit of light into my room.
"Ugh, who cares Hayley! No one cares!".

I shut my eyes trying to find sleep, it took me one hour and a half to sleep.
And when I did the darkness took over me my brown eyes closed shut.

I sleep right into...

Another nightmare, but it feels so real. Like he's shouting it out at me in real life, and it hurts knowing that's what he thinks.

°•°•°•
"Why are you back? I don't want you to be back! Just leave me alone" the first thing my brother says to me when I find him, his hands crossed over his chest.

"I-i don't know..." I pause trying to gain my voice confidence "You tell me, why am I back?".

He scoffs, rolling his eyes at the same time. This doesn't feel right, nothing does, feels like I just got sucked into another reality...is this all true? Is this what Caleb really thinks of me---the whole family. We would never forget him!

"Because you closed your eyes, you're always going to come back to here. Since you do think about me alot...but in a negative way now."

That makes no sense!

Is he saying whenever I sleep I'll always come back here? He literally just said I never think about him and now I think about him too much and in a negative way? "Just stop...be quite---hey Caleb! Where are we going".

Caleb starts walking away dragging me by the arm, having my brother's arms round mine feels so good...but not in this situation. "Let go! Where are we going-isn't that our pool?".

"Yeah," he says letting go of me, I rub my arms...dude that hurt me. "That's where you live now right? You sold the Maryland house. I mean it's nice and all but...".

"But..?"

"But what about the memories? See you guys throw me out like I wasn't there in the beginning...".

"No.. it's just were never in Maryland Caleb, we never forget you. Never" I say staring down as he pulls me towards the inside of the house.

Annie, mum, and dad are sitting in the living room, as they laugh and play fight. Can they not see us standing there?

"Can they not see us?" I ask Caleb as he shakes his head, he's hair flopping in front of his forehead. So they can't see us, that's...weird. "why are we here".

"Hayley, just look at them and how happy they are..just look," he says his hands flying up in the air, I wince as I really do look at them.

I never had those moments.

They seem so happy and no care to the world, or no care to there daughter 'sleeping' upstairs, how she always wakes up with a different nightmare.

Their dead son is in.

"Where's Hayley?" Annie asks in between giggles as my dad tickles her.
"Oh my god s-stop!".

"She's gone to sleep" my mum pauses before shrugging, "I think, I didn't really hear her say goodnight".

Yeah, why would you?

Caleb breaks my thoughts as he whispers something, that I didn't know he knew. "Your upset aren't you..?".

"W-what?" I choke out, I was not upset! I am not upset, I'm fine. Why should I be upset, everything is great In life, you're fine Hayley you're fine. "I'm not upset, I'm happy and grateful".

"Don't lie to me Hayley, I can see right through you" he pauses a hand running through his hair as he stares deeply at the family..the family that I don't know any more. "You feel out of it like you don't belong. You don't feel happy anymore, your laughs and smiles are fake, everything is fake".

I look down away from his eyes as I deeply stare at my so-called- family, aren't family supposed to be there for you? And they supposed to know when your upset and when your not.

I'm screaming out for help every day.

And they never notice, there to catch up with Annie and what she's doing. I hold back the tears as I close my eyes, darkness is all I can see and this time with no light.

"Mummy, are you sure Hayley asleep" I'm assuming Annies asking, I open my eyes and see that she isn't being tickled anymore and she's sitting on her phone. "I didn't hear her say goodnight, is she in a bad mood?".

My mum shrugs turning on the tv, she skips so many shows and one of them was me...she skipped me. She stops at Annie's one that she did last night.
"She's always In a bad mood, now let's look at you Annie on the tv!".

Annie nods her head, turning off her phone as she stares at her on the t.v., I sigh....let me sleep get me out of here.
"Why did you skip Hayley".

"I don't know, hers is boring," My mum says, my dad nods his head In agreement Annie slowly nods her head. "Plus you have more talent, singing, acting, ex level 9 gymnast, you're pretty, you have fans, people actually like you".

"And Hayley..?".

"They don't like her, well I guess some do but not as much y' know? Like she can only act, What else can she do? She's having singing lessons and let me tell you they aren't good, She's just such a disappointment to the family".

It feels like someone just stabbed me in my heart over and over again, but I'm not bleeding, not yet.

"She's just lazy".

Stab.

"Too boring".

Stab.

"Doesn't have many friends".

Stab.

"She is just...".

The knife is still in my heart, take it out and let me bleed, please.

"She's just not my daughter".

And the knife is out, I'm bleeding. The blood drips down my heart so slowly it felt like I was actually dying, is this really what my mum thinks of me?

"Bye Hayley", Caleb salutes as he pushes me to the pool, I fall into my face, the blood making the water red as I float.

My eyes closed, I'm drowning, and I hope I stay drowning.

Forever.

•••

:( poor hay, I love you.

Just so y' know, these things I'm saying AREN'T RIGHT. Hay is amazing and is her own self and actually, her singing voice Is Amazing, I want her to make a music vid.

If you want to see hay singing search it up on YouTube or something, She's actually good.

:/ thoughts on this chapter, if your confused comment And I'll help you

Bye sister's x