In The End | Daryl Dixon

Chapter 18

"Make a long story short, I got nothin' to lose."

Erica

The good news is that Jacqui isn't dead. The bad news, however, is that a shit load of other people are. And when I say a shit load, I mean around half of us were decimated by the dead. This is the definition of a bad day, and to make matters worse, I don't know where the fuck Castiel went! Do you know what happens when you lose an angel? Usually, it isn't all that great, and they blow your cover to kingdom come. I really don't need him waltzing into camp blood-free proclaiming to everyone within a ten foot radius of him that he's an 'angel of the lord'. 

It was all over as soon as it began, really. The whole fight, I mean. What felt like hours was, in reality, only a few minutes or so. I found myself feeling... pretty winded from it all. Sort of blown away in a sense. All I could do was stand there with my squad and stare at the gory destruction the walkers had rained down on our camp. Whether Merle led them here or not, I don't know. It almost doesn't matter anymore. It happened. Loads of people got fucking over. Everything sucks.

"You a'ight?" Daryl asked gruffly, coming to a stop next to me. He was covered in grime, and I was sure I was no better. I probably looked like shit, standing there next to the RV with BOB in my arms. What else can I do? I don't have any family here, and nobody I was close to died. It feels almost wrong that I'm not crying. Then again, I don't guess Daryl is shedding any tears either. That may just be a redneck thing, though.

"Barely. You?" I grumbled, glancing up at him. We're like, half friends now, I think. He offered me a grimace that seemed to sum it all up. I gave one back, because god dammit if nothing else, I will get a bonding experience out of this. BOB hasn't said a word. I'm sure he's never seen this much carnage before. Talking cat or not, he has emotions too... probably. He probably has emotions.

My eyes strayed to Amy, who Andrea was still leaning over, sobbing over her as she bled out. And that was the tea, wasn't it? She wasn't dead yet. Could Castiel heal walker bites? Did he have the ability to save Amy? He wouldn't have vanished without a good reason-- not after the shit that just went down. I can only assume Sam or Dean needed him for something, and that's why he's not here. Unless something happened to the poor guy.

"Don' feel bad." Daryl saw me staring. His face was morose, but guarded as well. "There ain't nothin' you coulda done."

"I...I guess so." I mumbled out pathetically. What if I hadn't gone along with them to get Merle? Sure, I certainly wouldn't have BOB, and those nursing home folk probably would have shot Rick, Daryl, and T-Dog up for the bag of guns, but still. I realize that we didn't leave the camp unguarded completely, but it doesn't change the fact that our manpower was divided. And all because we wanted to go after the guy who could actually be the root cause of this; Merle.

In contrast, without the guns we brought back, who knows how many would have died.

"I remember my dream now." Jim said, gazing off into the distance as though he were in the midst of having an entire-ass vision. What the fuck? "Why I dug the holes."

So, Jim is psychic now. Also good to know. I'll tuck that bit of information away for future reference. Wow, look at me go! Deflecting tragedy with sarcasm and jokes like it ain't nobody's business. I think that's my best skill at this point. I've seen some pretty gnarly shit in comparison to this. Am I becoming numb and unfeeling without even realizing it? What would Crowley say if he could see me now? I'm sure he'd be proud. Speaking of other-worldly beings, where the fuck is God?

I don't think anybody was quite sure what to do after that. Between the fact that a shit load of people had just died, and the overall terror everyone had just gone through, nobody was really ready to go back to bed. Especially not outside. I really couldn't say I blamed them. I wasn't exactly jumping at the idea of crawling into a flimsy fabric dome in the middle of a camp that had just been decimated by hungry undead just so I could fall into a mini-coma that would leave me undeniably vulnerable.