So Close (a James Hetfield story)

Chapter 14

Posting an extra chapter this week since it's Christmas. Happy Holidays!

Jamie would normally have been irritated with an I-told-you-so, but in this instance he was glad to hear it. Sure enough, offers to play in the Bay Area had started to come in from various clubs, giving real credence to his idea of moving north. The night of their big Northern California debut, he and Lars had managed to get Cliff alone in my backyard to talk to him about joining the band. The bass player admitted to digging the music they were making and he saw the potential of what Metallica could be with the right line-up. They'd kept in touch from that day forward and were planning to meet with him when they came up for their next gig. As it happened, they were booked to perform at the Old Waldorf in San Francisco exactly one month to the day from their first gig in the Bay Area. Coincidentally, HyperDrive was playing a show the night before and both James and Lars were stoked about coming up a day early to see us. Ron had a work commitment he couldn't get out of, so he and Dave were planning to come up on the day of the show with the van and trailer, and their newest member to the group and their first official roadie, an old buddy from Downey named Dave Marrs.

Expecting the guys any minute, I was pacing back and forth with nervous energy. Jamie and I had left things a month ago on a decidedly more intimate note. Not that anything was outright acknowledged by either of us, but I knew I wasn't wrong to believe that it was there all the same. He'd been jealous of Marco, and I knew that he'd been more than a little hot and bothered by my skimpy outfits and the physical contact when we'd played pool. I don't what had changed in the last year, maybe it was the separation, but I could feel that our relationship had been steadily shifting and evolving into something different, though I was only just starting to believe it. Of course I knew he wasn't in love with me, but attraction was a starting point at least.

Just then, there was a banging at my front door and I couldn't hide my shit eating grin as I ran over and yanked it open, only to be immediately engulfed in a James and Lars group hug. I was laughing so hard I couldn't even get out a proper hello. Finally, they let me go and ran back down to grab their stuff. I didn't even have to tell them where to put their things as they had the routine down now. Lars made a little niche for himself in the living room while James headed back to my room to drop off his duffle bag. I couldn't stop the shiver of excitement at sharing close quarters again.

After I made us lunch, Lars opted for a nap while James and I took a walk. The trees were starting to turn color in my neighborhood, something that didn't really happen in Southern California. The air was crisp and the leaves crunched under our feet as we walked.

"It's really nice here this time of year." James was looking around in appreciation. "I like this whole fall thing ya got goin', I didn't think we even had that season in California."

"Yeah, well I've realized how much of a bubble we were livin' in in L.A., it's almost like we're not in the same state up here. I miss the beaches down south and bein' able to swim in the ocean without worryin' about hypothermia" —Jamie chuckled at that—"but I love the greenness here, the people, the pace, the lifestyle."

"Sounds like you plan on stayin'."

"After I graduate? Maybe...that's a long ways off. I have no idea where my life will be at."

Or who I'll be with.

"So have you thought about what yer gonna do when you graduate?"

I shuddered overdramatically at the question. "Ugh, that question follows me around all the time. I mean, should I consider teaching—?"

"Teach? Oh hell no!" James' response was sudden and vehement. "You gotta be out there makin' music, not sittin' in some classroom teachin' other people how to make music." He stopped me then and peered down into my face. "You are so fuckin' talented Lei. I know Metallica takes over a lot of our conversations, and you spend a lotta time and patience proppin' me up, helpin' me get over my own insecurities, but ever since I heard you sing last year, I knew that the only place you should be is on a stage blowin' people's fuckin' minds with that voice. Promise me you won't settle for anything less than that."