The Fear She Couldn't Face

Chapter 8

Today, I decided to let Tobias into my fear landscape. Since he had let me into his yesterday. He and I seemed to have some of the same fears. Heights, fear of someone who we thought loved us. In his case, his father Marcus.

“Are you sure about this Ana?” Tobias asks me as I pull the syringes out of the black box. “You don’t have to do this just because I did.”

“I want you to know. I trust you to keep this to yourself, as you trust me to keep yours a secret.” I smile, looking him straight in the eyes, as we were pretty much the same height. Myself maybe an inch or two shorter.

I take the syringe and stick it in his neck, pressing down the trigger. He then does the same to me.

The room goes black and then we are atop a large building maybe twenty stories up. This was his fear as well, so there was no way he could help me get through this.

Our eyes meet as I take his hand. “Let’s jump on three all right?”

I close my eyes. “One…two…three.” And we both jump, hitting the ground in a matter of seconds. I open my eyes and we are now in an ocean.

“Drowning?” Tobias asks.

“I can’t swim.” I admit. I quickly begin to panic, my legs kicking harshly to keep above the water.

“Remember what you heard in training. If your fear is drowning, swim deeper.”

“But I can’t swim. How am I supposed to swim deeper?”

“Just grab my hand, I’ll help you,” I do as he says and intertwine our fingers.

“Take a deep breath, and just kick your legs. Don’t let go of my hand.”

“Okay.” I take a deep breath. “You ready?” I nod and we both submerge.

We swim deeper and deeper. Then things go black and we are standing on hard ground again.

We are standing in front of a classroom. My old classroom. In front of all my old classmates.

My teacher gives me a test back and it’s an A+. And that’s when all the snickers and laughs start.

“I was the smartest in class, and I got made fun for it. Even though we were in Erudite, where it’s good to be smart.” My face turning deep red, I lift my hands up, covering my face. I slide down against the wall and hide my head behind my knees, crying softly.

“Ana. You’ve got to show them that this isn’t affecting you. That it doesn’t bother you. You’ve got to show you’re proud of who you are. My smart girl.” Tobias says, crouching down in front of me, he lifts my head up and I see that he is smiling at me.

He takes my hand and helps me up. I dry my tears and then stand in front of the class once more. Tobias close behind me for support. I face them, smiling, letting them know that they weren’t hurting me like they once were. My heart rate slowing down to normal and everything going black finally.

When it gets light again, we are in my old house. In Erudite. It’s empty, but soon I hear the door slam, Seth storming in, his expression angry and his teeth gritted.

I cower behind Tobias, beyond terrified.

Nobody knew about Seth. No one. No one except for the Dauntless leaders who administered the test last year.

“Who is this Ana?”

“My ex-boyfriend, Seth Moore. We lived next door to each other growing up. When I turned fourteen, he became my boyfriend. And was until about a month before the Choosing Ceremony. He was very abusive, verbally and physically. My parents never found out, because he came around when they weren’t here. No one knew. And when the day came that I could finally escape this torture, I was relieved that I could escape. What I didn’t know when I chose Dauntless was that I would have to relive it.” I was in tears again, but this time harder. Petrified would be an understatement to how I feel right now.