Eviternal [manxman]

Mateo x Nolan

Mateo x Nolan

Our home was a grey, two story craftsman house with a huge garden filled with trees and all kinds of wild flowers that housed two huge paint horses, one dark brown with white spots and one sand colored one with white spots as well. I had used to love coming home and being swarmed by my children but now I dreaded it. Most of the time I came home to an empty house since most of my kids had moved out and my husband had to work.

I closed the door behind me as quietly as possible as I entered our home. I sat down the bags with the clothes and the items I used to style Caleb's hair next to the entrance and took off my jacket to hang it next to my husband's. Four of our children had long moved out and the one that was still living with us had left for the night apparently, judging by the lack of his jacket and he was seventeen after all. I prepared myself before I quietly snuck over to the kitchen 

Matty was standing at the window, doing the dishes while I was staring at his back, chewing on my bottom lip. I had made him spent the night on the couch because I had gotten mad at him for saying no to adopting more children. He hadn't even given me a final no and just wanted to have time to think about it but I had overreacted and gotten mad at him. I knew he was the type to think things through before making a decision but I had held it against him that he hadn't instantly gotten as excited as I had been.

He was almost done with the dishes and I didn't want him to turn around because I didn't want to face him right now, so I hurried over, wrapping my arms around his waist and burrowing my face in between his shoulder blades, inhaling deeply. I felt him stiffen, feeling horrible that I was responsible for his reaction and that he didn't feel safe around me right now. I felt the tears rise up inside me and I just let them pool up and run down my face.

"I love you." I murmured against his back, making him relax a little. 

He unwrapped himself before leaning against the counter top, watching me. I wanted to whine and complain about the loss of his warmth but I also knew that wasn't going to get me anywhere with him. He wasn't going to reward me for being an asshole to him and unnecessarily punishing him and I knew he was right. And I hated that he was right. He didn't even have to do anything, his behavior alone showed me that it was my fault and that I really hurt him and that made me hate myself even more.

"We need to talk." He stated, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Can I start?" I asked, biting my lip again.

He nodded and I tried to come up with something to say. He already knew that I hated that my kids were growing up and becoming more and more independant from me, visiting me less and less. He was always right beside me when I woke up from nightmares of my children abandoning me, comforting me and telling me that they would always love me even if they started their own lives now. I tried to be less controlling but the unhappier I got with the situation and the more fear piled up inside of me, the more I was on his ass for little things that didn't really matter.

I knew our relationship was stronger than this but I also knew everybody had a limit. The only thing I had to do was keeping my family safe and to love them unconditionally and yet I managed to hurt him just because I was being selfish and inconsiderate. Matty had barely ever hurt my feelings and it had always been some kind of misunderstanding where I either hadn't listened or taken things out of context. Sometimes I wondered why he was putting up with me and my mood swings.

"I'm being a dick." I finally announced. "And I'm sorry."

He examined my face and I knew that he was waiting for more to come but right now there was something else burning inside of me that I needed to get out. I didn't want to be alone anymore and I terribly missed him. I needed him to assure me that he would still be there after we were done having our fight, that he would still kiss me on the cheek when I was brushing my teeth, that his face woul still light up when he came home from work and saw me waiting for him and that he still loved me even if I had turned into an anxious asshole.