High school: Auggie x Jack Will

Should-have Could-have

Jack's POV

Well fuck. Now it's not just me, now Auggie's hugging me too. We've hugged plenty before, we were best friends in fifth grade, people didn't find it weird when people, or two boys I guess, did that, but it was different. Something about this felt different. Good different. I'm half-convinced that maybe my feelings are reciprocated, maybe he likes me back. Maybe we could make this work. The thought of it is heavenly, and I smile a bit, and pull away.

Or maybe he just needs a hug from his best friend because he's sad and needs the support. It's hard to admit, but I realize that that's all it is. I'm his best friend, sure, but that's all I'll ever be to him. He depends on me, but not in the way I depend on him. He'll never like me, and that realization is fucking the worst.

But maybe. Just maybe he likes me back. Maybe he'd give dating me a shot if I told him how I felt. Is it worth a shot? Probably (definitely) not. But I'm all fucked up from this Julian thing. The thought of losing him is as close to unbearable as one little thought could get, but I'd rather that happen over me getting shit off my chest and confessing my love for the kid rather than him cutting ties from me for returning to my rude, uneducated fifth grade self because of some stupid bitch I once called my friend.

I think I have to tell him. I can't go one like this anymore, the Julian thing is hard enough, and I need some support. He wouldn't cut me out of his life. He's too awfully kind for that, too grateful.

I'm grateful for you, too, August

I guess it's worth a shot.

"Auggie, why we're here, I've - I've been meaning to ask you something."

"Oh. Okay, shoot."

"I-"

"Auggie, Jack Will! Hi!!"

"Hey guys!"

Oh. It's Charlotte and Summer. Auggie has broken our eye contact and waved to them, and although I was slightly frustrated, I have to admit, his little hey-face was adorable. I'll have to try and draw it later.

Just what I needed.

"What's up," he said. "Jack was just telling me about where he hid the bod-oh frick."

"Beep beep, Auggie," said Summer. Both girls laughed, and I did too. I guess I was kind of relieved, now that we were all here, and I didn't end up doing something that could have resulted in second place for my the spot of biggest life regret.

But thinking of what could have happened if I got to tell him, what he would have said, which could have been that he liked me back just drove me wild.

I was quiet as him and the girls caught up, telling stories and laughing. I lead them down to the stairwell with barely any words, but I don't think they noticed. I hope the didn't.

When we got there, they all seemed pleasantly surprised. The place, unlike the hallways which had the occasional few people strolling through, was completely empty. Nice, considering that with Julian's presence in a few days we wouldn't experience this pleasant kind of emptiness for a while.

The conversations continued, and I still wasn't talking. I was drowning in the pool of my thoughts, thinking of all of the should-haves and could-haves of my most recent conversation with Auggie. With the person I love.

I slid closer to him, and put my arm around his shoulders, leaning my head on them. It felt good. He welcomes it without hesitation, but there's no affection in return.

I close my eyes, trying to escape my regrets, trying to escape my love for him.

It won't go away. It will never go away.