Thief

5

Sobbing and clutching the sheets, tears stinging in my eyes. I don't want this. This world. This fucking life. I. Don't. Care. I can feel the strain in my voice, still screaming. It feels like he just reached down my throat, and started pulling my lungs out while scratching up my neck. It physically hurts. I can't stop from shaking. My head is hurting from violently quivering, from the screaming, from the sheer pain of crying until I have nothing left. I try to compose myself, failing miserably as I stumble off my bed. My vision is completely clouded with tears and streaks of light. Running into walls, I try to get to my kitchen, failing as I fall to the floor in my dinning room. A jagged, rough, scream escaped my mouth, I can taste the the salt from my tears. I keep pulling my hair, telling myself it isn't real. It can't be real. I rip handfuls of hair, pulling my legs to my chest. I can feel, I can breath. I'm alive. I'm awake. This is just my life. My chest is stinging, I can't tell if its from the hyperventilating or the realization that everyone in my life has left me and I'm just a small speck in the world on the floor, dying. My stomach feel like I could implode at any second. I feel so pathetic, just so, so pathetic. I crawl, giving in to the feeling of just being beaten down. I made it to the fridge, trying desperately to real back the pain. I pulled a bottle of Bailey's out of the bottom drawer, sloppily screwing the cap off. I've become deaf to my own sobs and cries, I've gotten used to the blurred vision. I just drank strait from the bottle, hoping the alcohol could stop the sinking in my stomach. It burns as it flows down my throat, but its fine. Its all ok. Its just another way of telling me this is real. I love the pain, the way the dryness and scratchiness of my throat mixes with the sting of the alcohol. I love the way it burns my lungs. But... I can feel something... Its different. Warmth? My chest. It feels so. Warm... I drop the bottle the floor, letting the last of it spill. I just craw a few feet away, feeling tired all of the sudden. My face doesn't sting any more. It feels so nice. My face feels like the clouds have lifted off the summer sky, the sun is just shining on my face. Soking in the warmth. I can feel the wait lift off my chest. I can breath again. I can finally breath again. My stomach isn't falling. Not dropping... No. Its soaring. I feel like I'm being lifted off the ground, being pulled up off the floor and dusted off. I'm not just the pathetic man on the floor, crawling and crying. I'm bigger than that. Its all been erased. All of it. No more pain, no more Alex, no more weight. Its all so... Bright. It feels so close, like I'm flying into the sun. Except I'm not burning, its just nice. Wait. No. Its moving. I'm being pulled away from the summer sky, I'm falling into a black whole. I'm no longer flying from the meddow, I'm falling from grace. Away from the sun. Its so dark again, I'm screaming for it to come back. But I'm just falling, so far. Just so far...