Just another bottle

Jin

     Jin and Yoongi understood each other, spoke like true adults and rarely became silly with one another. Being some of the oldest members, it was nice to have each other to speak of more important things with.
       Yoongi never spoke of himself, though.
   It was always the other way around, and now Jin can't help but beat himself up over the fact. He could've helped more, should've helped more than just giving the boy food. Scolding him. Maybe if he was more gentle, more understanding, this wouldn't of happened.
     Jin hasn't left his room since the incident. Hasn't eaten, slept, showered. He can't forgive himself for this. He's supposed to take care of all of them, make sure they are content and healthy. He failed.
     Where are you now?
   Jin's bloodshot eyes trail over his wall, the decorations he once had hanging now litter the floor. He had torn them apart in a fit of distress, sobbing and hyperventilating. Now, he doesn't even have the motivation to sit up in bed. Marks on his cheeks, scabbing over. His once pretty face now flawed for everyone to see.
       He should lose something he loves about himself, Yoongi took his own life away.
    Namjoon had caught him in the act of slicing his cheek, he had screamed at him with tears in his eyes. Hiding every possible blade and knife from the man. He stayed with him the first few days, but eventually decided that Jin just needed to heal on his own.
      How can you help someone when you are falling apart as well?
   Jin remembers how Yoongi loved his cooking, the poor boy could only make a decent cup of ramen noodles to feed himself. Of course, the older man would have none of that and make him a proper meal. Scolding him about weight loss, Yoongi always appeared so bony.
    Everyone simply thought it was because of the lack of exercise, lack of muscle. But now he's questioning everything he thought he knew. Jimin should've noticed. He should've fucking noticed and helped, he's going through his own eating disorder. Jin keeps trying to find someone to blame, but in the end he just keeps coming back to himself.
       He hasn't had the courage to visit the boys grave, even though he chose the stone himself. That was different. Actually seeing it in a graveyard would simply make it even more of a reality. Yoongi's gone.