Just another bottle

Hoseok

I thought I saw the devil this morning.
  After the day that he found Jimin and Yoongi, Hoseok hadn't been his usual self. The normally energetic, always ecstatic man has been turned into a mere shell of his former self. Dancing became a rare occurrence, rapping became nonexistent.
    It reminded him too much of Min Yoongi.
Grace is just weakness.
Damn, that bastard Yoongi. They had always stayed in the studio far too early in the morning, recording their music and cheering each other on with laughter and alcohol.
  Yoongi could never resist things that made him forget everything. And Hoseok would make sure to give him the escape he desired so desperately.
    They always had a bond, never spoken of or brought to attention. They were content with keeping it to themselves. Of course, it wasn't romantic like the bond with Jimin. No, it was brotherly. They always looked out for each other, no matter what time of day. 
   I lost a friend.
     Yoongi wasn't the best at showing his emotions, always coming off as a heartless asshole to strangers. But Hoseok broke that wall down with his kindness and contagious smiles. If only he had dug deeper, pushed further and got to the base of Yoongi. If only he reached his very core, and saved him from the bitter darkness.
   He's been coddling Jimin, really. They both have nightmares, waking up in fits of uncontrollable sobs.
  The name Jhope makes him sick to his stomach.
He was known as the hope of the group, the ray of sunshine that could brighten any mood. The man that could console without even using words.
    Now, the name leaves a bitter taste on his tongue and a pit in his stomach. It's the name Yoongi always used for him, shouting it with excitement and that famous gummy fucking smile.
   I need you by my side.
His eyes are never clear, always rimmed red from his salty tears and agonized sobs. His stomach screams at him for the lack of nutrition, but he does nothing to calm it.
  He used to cook for Yoongi.
And if only I could hold you.
Everything reminds him of Yoongi. The memories they had created in the apartment, the studio, on stage. How could he preform without the smaller man by his side?
   Hoseok is no longer a ray of sunshine, he can't bring himself to pretend that he's alright. He knows Yoongi is gone, he doesn't deny it. Every time Jimin screams at him, he allows it with tears slipping down his flushed cheeks.
  How could he break the poor boys heart even more?
    You're cold on the inside, there's a dog in your heart.
Part of him resents the rapper for leaving them. Part of him thinks that the man is a selfish prick who doesn't deserve his tears.
      The other part knows that he's completely destroyed without Yoongi.
He'd hollowed out their bodies so they'd feel just empty as him.
Regret has taken over his entire being, he's never been good at mourning. He can't drink alcohol without Yoongi on his mind, so, pills seem to be the next best thing. He downs bottles within a week, effectively making his very being numb. It's funny, he used to be so fucking happy.
    But you're still dead.
   No matter how many pills he swallows, gasping for air with collapsing lungs, Yoongi is still gone. He wont show up in the morning, he won't make crude jokes and push him around. Min Yoongi is just a memory in his head now.
   Lately I can't recognize you.
When Jimin saw the empty orange bottles, he threw them at Hoseok with a heaving chest and a rasp in his throat.
   "Don't le-leave me too! You are just like him!"
  The words had struck his core. Just like Yoongi? He grabbed Jimin with trembling hands, tugged the boy to his chest and let him weakly hit him. They sobbed with each other that night, and it was only then that he realized how much hurt he was causing.
  I act like I don't fucking care. 
I'm only a fool for you.