Just another bottle

Jimin

    Nobody told me life would be like this.
   To say that Jimin was devastated would be the understatement of the century.
       He's the one that found Yoongi.
The younger boy had bounded to his friends studio with a grin so large that his eyes were practically hidden. A coffee in one hand, a bag of donuts in the other. He had made sure to get yoongi's favorites, blueberry and chocolate glazed.
     He always was the first to welcome Yoongi in the mornings, sometimes he would find the poor man fast asleep with his cheek pressed flush against his desk, lips parted to release slow and quiet breaths. Jimin would simply coo and set the coffee down beside the man, before wrapping his arms around him from behind and kissing the top of his head.
     Sometimes the weight of my past makes it hard for me to breathe.
   That morning was far from his usual. He had barged into the office, and at first when he saw Yoongi he thought he was simply asleep. But.. he didn't look like himself. Abnormally pale, completely limp.
   It didn't take long for Jimin it drop the coffee on the rug, the hot liquid pooling around his feet as he screamed in pure agony. Collapsing to his knees in front of his friend, he desperately grabbed Yoongi's shoulders, his face, any part of him he could. Vision blurry from his uncontrollable tears, voice coming out with cracks and wheezes.
    Just let go.
"Y-Yoongi! Please, please wake up. You're okay.. you have to be okay!" The boy blubbered and hid his face against yoongi's clothed thigh, feeling the cool skin through the fabric. Eventually, Hoseok showed up at the studio to hear his younger band mates cries. Had they gotten into a fight? He furrowed his eyebrows and entered the doorway, and soon enough, his own eyes well with tears.
      Jimin had to be dragged away from Yoongi, struggling against Hoseok with hisses and pathetic whimpers.
"No! No, let g-go of me! He's okay!" At that point, he had begun to hiccup from how hard he was crying. Yoongi remains unmoving, he wouldn't ever smile at Jimin again. He'd never cuddle him to sleep after his nightmares, he'd never sit down and feed Jimin. They'd never go to a bar together and forget their worries. Laughing and smiling so hard that their cheeks hurt. They'd never kiss in secret, or go on walks around the city at night and watch the cars pass by. He'd never listen to Jimin cry again, and soothe him when he felt self conscious.
   You can't travel backwards to yesterday.
   Jimin refuses to believe that Yoongi is really gone. He didn't go to the funeral. He hasn't gone to the grave sight, he never would. Because to him, Yoongi was fine. He was just gone. Not.. dead. Right?
    Jimin finds himself in yoongi's studio, tracing his fingers slowly over the awards and speakers, so large and so reminiscent of Yoongi. He put his entire soul into this one room, and no one could make him leave. Not the police, not his friends, not his leader.
     Yoongi and Jimin had always been closer than anyone else. They were in a tragic taboo, and now Jimin regrets his decisions of not admitting his feelings. Maybe if he did, Yoongi wouldn't of left him.
   What's wrong with you? Wake up!
Every time someone else would enter the room, the hair on his neck would stand and he would find himself screaming at them, even when they wrapped him up in their arms and shushed him. Namjoon tended to him as much as he could, even when Jimin had hit his chest and screamed that Yoongi wasn't dead. That they needed to stop spreading that around. He had seen the news line, saw all of the fans online mourning.
     He hadn't resented army's until now.
  He sits down in yoongi's chair, taking in the boys scent hitting his nose. Yoongi always smelled so soothing, so comforting. His bottom lip wobbles and he lies his cheek against the desk, just like Yoongi had a mere week ago. He swears he can still feel the mans hand in his own, rubbing over his palm with his pale thumb. What has he done wrong? Jimin knows that he's flawed, he knows he has many faults. But Yoongi always swore up and down he was perfect. How could that be true if he left?
    Jimin closes his eyes and dampens the desk with his tears, cheeks flushing and hands beginning to tremble at his sides.
    Those pills got you, right?
He had begged Yoongi countless times to not leave him like everyone else. Yoongi broke his promise. He remembers the night so clearly, as if it happened yesterday. Him and Yoongi were out on a balcony, drinking together and leaning against one another. Free hands intertwined.
    Jimin had turned to Yoongi with doe eyes, cheeks bright and plump lips forming a pout.
    "You won't leave me, will you?"
Yoongi had turned his attention to the younger man, eyes trailing over the details of Jimins gorgeous features. Beginning to smile, he leaned down to Jimins height and spoke against his lips.
   "Never. I promise, Jiminie."
  They had kissed that night, tasting alcohol on each other's tongues and laughing the night away.
    Don't kill yourself, please don't do it.
Jimin wraps his arms around his own body, lungs feeling as if they will collapse as his mind races with memories. Everything feels so cold, so foreign and painful. It hurts to breathe, he finds himself gasping for oxygen between his sobs.
     Where did I go wrong?