12 Months (Tom Holland)

September

     Krysta ended up ghosting Tom after their one date and to say that he was heartbroken was an understatement. He missed almost a week of school and was benched for most of his Saturday tourney despite being one of the best starters on the soccer team. I tried to help him through it, but he told me he needed solitude and I complied, telling him if he needed someone that I was always there.

    The weather was getting chillier which meant less pool days, saddening me. Instead of going out and procrastinating on my homework by trying to keep up with my tan, I had to stay inside and work on various chores. My brother was back from studying abroad and was getting ready for his senior year of college. I filled him in on everything he missed and he pushed it away as he usually did.

    Tom was gone from school once again and he had left me on read. Though I understood his sadness, it still frustrated me that he wouldn't talk to me. What happened to the Tom I spoke to on the phone the night he had sex? What happened to the boy who said I meant the world to him? He was at home, crying over a girl he barely knew. 

    I sat at my usual table alone, looking through Instagram when I heard a tray hit the table and someone sit right in front of me. Putting my phone down, I looked up and saw it was Graham Kiernan. He was my eighth grade boyfriend for approximately two weeks before he had transferred to Lakeland High. He came back sophomore but I had totally forgotten his existence. He look good though; Graham was a linebacker for the football team and a teen ambassador for one of the major magazines that was based around here.

    "What's up?" I asked him. We haven't spoken in years, but we were still friendly. I'd like to think that if he hadn't transferred, we probably would still be dating, but who knows? "Not much," Graham answered, taking a bite out of his apple, "Where's your friend?" "Tom's sick," I lied. In one of our only conversations from the past few weeks, Tom had told me to keep his losing his virginity a secret. It was going to go to the news outlets one day, so he wanted his privacy while he could have it. "Is that why you're sitting next to me?" I asked and Graham shook his head. "No, actually, I wanted to ask you out," he said, "Like on a date or some shit."

    Taking a bite of my sandwich, I swallowed and said, "A date? What's brought on this sudden liking to me? We haven't spoken in years." "I still like you, Kennedy. You were one of the coolest girls in middle school. When other girls made fun of my acne, you ignored it and hung out with me anyway. You aren't superficial," Graham explained. "Slow down there, Aristotle," I held my hand out in a stopping gesture, "That was eighth grade, everyone had acne and hormones. We all liked each other. What's bringing this on now?"

    "To be honest, I don't know. I guess I just want a second chance," Graham shrugged and watched for my expression. I finished my sandwich and wiped the crumbs off of my shirt, mulling over his invitation. One side of me was thinking I was going to be cheating on my feelings for Tom by saying yes before the logical part of me came in and reminded me that the boy didn't have feelings for me. "Where are you planning on taking me?" I asked, revealing my answer to be yes. Graham grinned and told me the arcade, making me feel nostalgic; the arcade was where we went on our first date. It was where we had our first kiss. It was a horrible kiss, really, but it was still a first kiss and I still enjoyed it.

    Before I went to my house, I stopped by Tom's to check in on him. He was exactly where I left him eight hours ago, in his bedroom. "Hey, Tom, you okay?" I asked the lump of blankets in front of me. All I got in reply was a muffled grunt. Since that had been the same response I was getting the past two days, I rolled my eyes and marched up to his bed and turned him over. "Listen, I've given you as much sympathy as I could handle, but now you're being a weenie," I started, "You lost your virginity, so what? But you wanted a normal senior year, and you're not making it normal if you're spending it in bed thinking about someone you'll forget in five years."

    "I'm not going to take criticism from someone like you, Kennedy," Tom said coldly and I put my hands on my hips. "What do you mean someone like me? A virgin?" I was getting pissed. Why was he acting like such a prick? "Yes, a virgin," he rose up from the blankets, "You don't know what it's like to like someone and have them take a valuable part of you away. I can't lose my virginity again, Kennedy. I wasted it on someone I'll forget in five years."

    His words hit me like a slap to the face. He was facing my predicament but with a different person. Whereas I was head over heels for him and hurting everyday for it, he was mooning over Krysta. I calmed down in no time and softened my voice, "I'm sorry, Tom. I don't quite understand your hurt, but I stand by what I said. You have one senior year. Don't waste that too."

    Tom said nothing. Instead he laid back down on his bed and rolled over. I rolled my eyes, annoyed to see the failure of my efforts. As I was about to leave his room, I heard him say, "Can you stay with me today? I don't feel like being alone." My stomach dropped and I felt guilty as I told him no. "I can't today, I have plans I can't cancel on," I said. He rolled over to face me, "What kind of plans?"

    "A date," I answered and his face fell. I didn't want to lie to him, he's my best friend. If he found it later, he would've been furious so I chose to rip the Bandaid off. "With who?" he asked and I told him. "That guy's a tool," Tom said bitterly, almost as if he was jealous. Yet, I was probably overthinking the situation. "How would you know? I've been going here longer than you," I argued.

    "That doesn't mean shit, Kennedy. I've seen how he is with girls. He's always trying to get into their pants. He's a cliche douche," the both of us were riled up once again. "Tom, I've been friends with Graham for years. I know who he is. He's not like that," my voice was raising in volume with each word. These past weeks had nothing but tension between the two of us and now the kettle was shrieking. We were about to explode. "You know who he wants you to know. I'm a guy, Kennedy, I know my gender more than you would," Tom pointed furiously at me.

    "So does that make you a tool too, Tom? Because you're really starting to acting like one," I was so close to shouting. Mrs. Holland was home and I knew she could probably hear us, but I didn't give a shit at the moment. Her son was pissing me off. "I'm acting like a tool?" he scoffed, "You're acting like a complete bitch! You've done nothing but give me shit about Krysta and you've done nothing to help my situation! Lord forgive I don't want my best friend making the same mistake I did!"

    I was at my boiling point. The teapot was for sure losing its voice by now. "What mistake is that, Tom? Fucking on the first date? You see, I have standards so it's not going to happen!" With that, the teapot exploded. Tom was practically shaking, "Leave." His voice was low and gritty, something I would be afraid of if I wasn't so mad. I spat on the ground and said, "Fuck you." I stormed out of the house and into mine. Once I made it into my room, I lost my facade and broke down into tears. I really was a horrible person. I couldn't believe I had said all that toxic shit to Tom of all people. I wanted to apologize so bad, but he would never forgive me. As much as I wanted to keep counting months, there was no hope. I fucked up.

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~Not edited~