12 Months (Tom Holland)

February

I regretted my decision almost everyday since the day I had made it. Tom called me multiple times, his voice becoming more desperate with each message he left and I listened painfully. I don't know why I didn't just talk to him, but something in me always hindered my submission. The devil on my shoulder always told me, "He doesn't want to talk to you."

My cold shoulder broke Tom. It seemed that if every girl he slept with always left him. Surprisingly, however, he didn't skip school one day since we came back. However, he didn't vie for my attention, he ignored me like I was any other person. What hurt the most was that he didn't go out of his way to make me feel like shit. Back in October during our fight, we were always making passive remarks, shoving one another, and being petty overall. Now, he just treated me like another classmate and my heart was ripped to shreds. I was the one to blame, however, I didn't have to run. Maybe if I stayed in bed with him, we could be walking down the halls with his hand around my waist and the whole world watching.

In our English class, we were writing our essays for the period, but I couldn't find the motivation to write. I opened the doc and read over what I had multiple times, but nothing would awaken my mind to write more. Closing the doc, I sat back in my seat and sighed, looking around the class to see what was going on around me. Harrison and Yasmine were talking amongst each other, her head on his shoulder, and Graham was paying one of our classmates to write his paper. Looking over in Tom's direction, I saw him staring down at his phone, smiling as he typed.

"Holland," our teacher said, garnering Tom's attention, "What's so important on that phone of yours?" "I got me a Valentine's date, Mrs. G," Tom raised his phone while a clamor from the class arose. My stomach sunk as I heard his words; he was going on a date already? Just last week he had called me for the last time, begging for me to answer him. "That's lovely and all, but put it up please," Mrs. G said and Tom complied.

There was a small conversation going on at his table and I pretended to work on my essay while listening to them. Gavin, the kid next to Tom, asked, "Bro, who'd you bag?" "Krysta Diaz," he replied. Krysta? The Krysta that ghosted him before, leaving Tom in a discombobulated state for almost a month? I closed my laptop, putting it in my bag before I asked Mrs. G to go to the restroom. I rushed out, never noticing how Tom looked at me as I left.

I reached the bathroom and sat down in front of the full bodied mirror, looking at my reflection. My hair was slightly disheveled from neglect and there were prominent dark circles around my eyes. Though it wasn't visible in the mirror, my stomach was twisted in knots I would never be able to untie. I didn't cry, I had no need to. Instead I sat there, looking at my reflection, comforted by my solitude until Yasmine walked in.

She sat down right in front of me and said nothing at first. "Have you come to scold me?" I asked, halfheartedly joking. She shook her head, "No, I came because you need someone to talk to." "What is there to talk about though? I fucked up a completely good friendship, the end." Yasmine shook her head and scooted closer, leaning in. "You haven't fucked it up yet, Ken. You are on the verge though," she said. "Thanks for the reassurance," I rolled my eyes.

"You don't need reassurance, Kennedy. You need advice. You need to figure out how to fix this before it fucks up for good," Yasmine didn't raise her voice, but I felt the authority behind it. I nodded and told her she was right, asking her what I should do. "First, text him asking if he wants to talk and then set up a whole time so you can explain yourself and be ready for anything that can happen," she suggested.

"And what if he says no to talking? Then what do I do?" I asked her, biting my nails. Ever since New Year's Day I bit my nails to nubs out of anxiety and whatnot. They were beginning to grow back, but my state of mind showed no mercy. "Don't move on until there's closure," Yasmine said, "Sometimes there's never closure, but you can't do that to Tom and you can't do that to yourself. You both need each other and if it doesn't work out, then get closure."