LENNOX ▸ RUBEN LOFTUS-CHEEK

THIRTY-FIVE • TAKE IT BACK

It was a stupid argument. It had started with something minuscule and escalated to the couple arguing about anything and everything. Lenny yelled about Ruben being too busy to spend time with her; he yelled about how much time she'd been spending at Jesse's lately, coming to the presumption that they must be sleeping together. He wondered why aloud, irrationally coming to the conclusion that Lenny did it because she wanted a baby.

He took that from a small conversation they'd had weeks ago about their future children. In said conversation, Lennox had said that she wanted to have kids sometime soon, at least a few years before she turned 30, maybe even 25. Ruben had shrugged it off, stating they should wait, focus on their careers now and think about children much later in the future.

Even though Lennox had let the disagreement go, he assumed that was what the fight was about. Being a part of the male species as he was, he was completely blind to the real problem.

In the past few moths, from the middle of spring to the end of summer, Ruben had gotten much more playing time at Chelsea. And Lennox thought it was amazing, of course. She was so proud of him for finally getting his talent recognized by the club; he got the opportunity to play almost all the matches since winter break, either the full 90 minutes or most of the game before being subbed off.

Through this time, however, Lennox noticed a change in Ruben. He hung out with his Chelsea teammates a lot, which she thought was wonderful, until he stopped hanging out with her and their mutual friends as much. He'd spend most of his days at training, simply spending time with Lennox for dinner and sometimes breakfast.

Their mismatching schedules played a big role in this dilemma but Lennox tried working around it, and Ruben did as well... until he started cancelling on her, stating he was going to a play FIFA with the boys or to a pub. Even Logan and Rebekah had noticed, but the person who noticed the most was Jesse, who had been visiting London more, to see Bekah since the season ended.

Ruben figured she must've finally gotten fed up with not getting any results from him and moved onto Jesse. "Do you wanna have a baby?" he asked her one night. "Then let's have a baby. Come on. Right now. Let's do it."

But, he was wrong. Though their problems had started with the issue of children, it had escalated to an issue of communication in their relationship.

"Rubes," Lennox sighed in frustration. When he tried to grab her hips, she shoved his hands away. "Ruben, stop."

Her voice was stern, causing him to back away from her. Lenny only spoke after a minute or two of silence.

"We didn't do anything," she tried to get him to understand.

"But you wanted to!" he accused.

And to his surprise, she didn't deny it. Instead, she wholeheartedly accepted the truth of the matter. She looked him in the eyes, a prominent frown on her face as she found it impossible to lie to him. "Maybe."

There was a long pause then, as Ruben took it all in and had a better understanding of the situation. "Why?" he quietly asked, eyes staring at the ground.

"We've been together for so long and I have never, in any of that time, ever felt unloved or unappreciated. But... you can't tell me things haven't changed, Rubes. You're busier and I'm—"

"Fucking Jesse?"

Lennox's brows furrowed as she hardened her exterior so Ruben wouldn't get the satisfaction of knowing he'd hurt her. "Take it back." Her voice was more stern than he'd ever heard it; his heart skipped a beat as her eyes hardened. It wasn't fair of Ruben to take a jab at Lenny's friendship with Jesse just to get a rise out of her. "Take it back, Ruben. That's not fair."

"And how exactly do you figure that?"

"Because I don't feel that way about Jesse. He's just my best mate!"

"Then how do you explain spending so much time with him lately?! And coming back home with looking tired with messy hair?"

Lenny went to quip back but paused, deciding she couldn't do that to him. "I can't tell you," she mumbled.

"Why not?"

"Because you won't look at me the same if I do. We won't be the same."

"You must be fucking him! Because if you're not, how else do you explain it?! Why are you going to Jesse's so much, Lenny?"

She couldn't keep it in any longer. "Because he listens to me! He... he just listens... when I talk about how hard it's been to be your girlfriend these past few weeks, how much of an emotional toll it's taken on me." Ruben watched as tears helplessly brimmed Lenny's eyes. Her eyes broke contact with his as she stared away and insecurely crossed her arms over her chest.

He took a moment to process before sighing himself. He was such an idiot. "Your messy hair and puffy eyes... you've been crying?" It broke his heart to come to that realization. It broke even more when Lenny softly nodded and he reached out for her only to have her flinch away. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you've got so much on your plate already. You just started playing regularly and everyone's got such big expectations of how well you're going to do. I didn't want to add something else for you to worry about."

"You should've told me..."

"Maybe I should've. But it can't all be on me, Ruben. I know that you've been extra busy these past few weeks but you should've put more effort into us. Just because we're dating doesn't mean you shouldn't put effort into our relationship.

"I've been trying to spend time together but you just shut me down at every chance because you're hanging out with Callum or you're busy playing FIFA with Ethan... Relationships shouldn't have to be hard, Rubes. I shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail to keep us together. It's—it's exhausting... and I can't do it anymore."

It took Ruben a moment to process it all. "What are you saying? Do you want to break up?"

"I think we need a break..." she softly spoke. "I need you to think about how much this relationship means to you, and how much you're willing to fight for it. Because I can't be the only one doing it, Ruben. I can't keep us afloat by myself. We'll both drown."

Her words hit Ruben hard. He didn't know what to say in response. He had no idea Lenny was feeling this way. And he couldn't believe he hadn't done anything to help her.

"I don't want a break..."

Lenny couldn't believe he had the nerve to say that. Tears leaked from her eyes as she spoke. "You just accused me of being unfaithful when—when I was the only one in this relationship trying to keep it alive. Do you understand how fucked up that is?" Ruben couldn't argue with that. "I think this will help. We need some time apart. Because if we don't get it, you might never understand how much this relationship means to you."