Summertime Sadness

chapter 15

The wedding just ended. I have to admit that was beautiful. Over the week all i thought about was getting it over with. I know, typical boy. But no, honestly i could see myself up there ,with my beautiful bride.

My sister looked really beautiful and happy. The groom wasnt that bad looking either. They were so excited to get married yet so passionate about each other.

The way they looked at each other and exchanged vows everyone could sense the love in the room. Im glad they were happy. My sister deserves that.

Love is a Beautiful thing. Is it? Yeah what ive just seen was beautiful. My sister and her husband...but is it all that great. I mean it brings and causes pain to right.

Which leads me to my next problem...I've been experiencing love. I know it because this feeling is different. I've never felt so strongly for anyone before. The caterer did a really good job lightening up the place but i still feel dark and empty.

Its best i stop thinking about this because its bringing back the aching pain ive been feeling all week. I miss her..I cant help but feel worse because she hasnt called. Its been almost a week and i feel like im dying because i havent been near her or talked to her.

Does she not miss me? No she does I'm just over reacting . This has made me realize that i can't be without her. Just one week away could make my heart ache for her, what about not being near her ever.

This is the reason why i haven't told her the truth. What if she doesn't want to be more than friends. I'm scared that she'll push me away and i would rather be something in her life than nothing at all. I couldnt bear not being anything for her.Ifvshe needs a friend, a brother, a lover i'll be that. But i won't settle for being nothing.

Snapping back to reality i realize the receptions over. People are starting to leave and i'm here feeling sorry. Man i love her.

"hey you...i almost didn't notice you here..hiding"

"..im not hiding..You look really beautiful Jen and im happy for you"

"Thanks...what about ..you are you happy?"

"..yeah"

"No andy..i know theres something bothering you , or should i say some girl"

She added emphasize to the word girl.

" Andrew seriously tell her how you feel ..trust me..you don't want to be living 10 years from now wondering what if.."

"thanks jen"

"no problem"

I helped her up and we started walking over to Cole , Jens husband.

" Jen ..how'd you know..there was a girl."

" Because i know that look..I mastered it."

My sister was always my greatest advisor , so i trusted her on this. I kissed her goodbye and watch them drive off in their just married limo. That was enough for me , i headed back to my hotel.

Tonight was going to be another very long night not waking up with Em in my arms. I walked over to my bed and didnt even bother to undress i was so tired. Then my cell phone rang. All my tiredness went away. I wished it would be Em.

"Hello"

"hey andrew ..its Zayn how you been." All the disappointment came . I didn't want to talk to anyone but Em.

"oh..hey man how you been?"

" You sound dissapointed.. were you expecting someone?"

" Yeah i was actually but since you called whats up?"

" I came back from my trip today and i have to tell you Em is a mess..what did you do to her?"

" what do you mean?"

" She was at the club and you know emily hates clubs , she was drunk and crying.."

"What? why was she crying?"

" She wouldn't tell me.. but she told me she missed me."

When he told me she was crying i wished dearly that it was for me.

".. and then she said something about you guys ..but i dont know.."

"Man fucking spit it out!"

He started laughing , I knew he would take this as an oppurtunity to joke around but i didn't have time for it. My heart was so close to stopping.

" Ahah hah.. Ok man but she said she misses you alot and shes a mess .You should really come down soon."

I couldn't help it. I was so happy. I didnt know what else to say.

" Oh ...well ill see what i can do."

I knew what i was going to do . Im suppose to leave on sunday but im leaving tomorrow. My sister had booked this suite for a 7 days but i dont care. I want to see Emily. I'm going to finally tell her how i feel. Im going to tell her i love her and want to be with her, i want to be anything she wants me to be. I remember that day i showed her my healing place and i asked her what a girl wants in a guy and she told me all these things and i knew she was talking about what she wanted, i want to be that for her.

I'm going to catch my flight first thing tomorrow and get my girl. Tonight is the first night all week that im going to sleep with a smile on my face.

I wake up early this morning. Turns out i couldn't sleep because i was so excited about today. If i could i would drive back to Emily. But when you have a generous sister who has money to blow your lucky enough to catch a flight. Not that im complaining because it'll take me faster to her.

I'm going to tell Emily as soon as i get their. I'm going to find her and finally embrace her because i can't take it anymore. I've wanted this for so long now.

The taxi i called brings me to the airport and i get on the plane. It was the most aggravating plane ride ever. the plane landed and i began to feel anxious. All these doubts started coming to mind but i pushed them away. Theres no turning back now im going to tell her how i feel.

I called a cab from the airport and it brought me home. I felt a little dissapointed when i noticed Emily's car wasn't in the driveway. She wans't home. I became more anxious.

I stayed home a bit trying to wait out until she came. Pacing around constantly, I began to think my plan was dumb. I should make this special , i should by some props and chocolate and flowers or something.

Maybe i'm overthinking but a little something wouldn't hurt. With that i headed out . I decided to walk because i could really lay out what i was going to say. The supermarkets to big so i settled for walgreens. They have chocolate , cards and etc.

I walked through the parking lot to get into the store. As i made my way closer to the door i spotted Robert. I was going to yell his name so i can talk to him but i noticed he was with a girl. So i didn't want to interupt. I kept walking and i saw her. The girl I've been missing all week. The girl my heart aches for. The one i was told was crying for me because she missed me. The one my hopes had been up for.

I saw Emily, kissing robert the one who broke her heart.

I paniced. I didn't know what to do. I came all this way to finally confess my love for her and instead i get my heart shattered more than it already was.

There was nothing left of me. Goosebumps rose on my skin and i felt chills. My heart was cold.

Maybe it wasn't her. My mind was just playing tricks on me. I was behind a wall that connected to the building. This was one of the inside parking lots. I moved from behind it so i can look again and it was Emily. She was getting in the car with Robert and they left.

Anger and hurt arose in me. My heart couldn't take much anymore. So i left.