Thoughts of the day crowded Alex's mind, to the point where it hurt to breathe. Why would the teacher let that girl get called those awful names without punishing the boy that said them? And why wouldn't the principle stop that gay kid from getting bullied? Nothing made sense.
Highschool was a heartless, senseless place, he thought. No one cared about anyone. But he cared about everyone.
That was typical Alex. Caring about everyone but himself. Doing the right thing, despite the consequence. He'd always been that way, even after everything he'd went through.
After losing his brother to suicide, though, bullying was brought to his attention more. Bullies made him sick. It hurt knowing just a bit of teasing could make someone commit such a thing.
But of course, his brother Thomas didn't get bullied a lot, because he was handsome and smart and athletic, until a rumor began that Alex had feelings for his male friend.
Since Alex was unsure if it was true or not, he didn't really care that he was getting bullied, but it was his brother that worried him.
How could someone get bullied for having a gay brother? It didn't make sense. But it was enough to send Thomas over the edge, and for Alex to lose his only brother, and one of his best friends. His- "Alex," His friend Rian snapped his fingers impatiently, glaring at Alex. "The movie?"
Alex shifted awkwardly. "Oh-oh yeah, the movie, right. Just let me-"
"Woah, woah, man... Have you been crying?" Rian's features twisted in concern as the dim light from the tv illuminated his friend's rosy cheeks and puffy eyes. Alex touched his cheeks, cursing under his breath. He hasn't noticed he'd been crying until Rian pointed it out, and he knew Rian would make a big deal out of it, though it was unnecessary. "Alex..."
"Rian, it's fine. I just need some air."
Rian frowned, crossing his arms a bit awkwardly, debating giving Alex a hug or just letting him go. "Well, are you still spending the night?"
Alex stood off the couch and turned to him, nodding. "Yeah. I'll be back soon."
Instead of stopping him, Rian just laid back and sighed as Alex gently closed the door behind himself, knowing exactly where he was going.
His tattered sneakers smacked the cold concrete under him as he breathed out slow, a cloud of white seemingly appearing to prove he was in fact still breathing, like a constant reminder that he was alive still. It's one of the reasons he enjoyed the late-autumn weather in Baltimore, besides the inspiring feel it brought with it. He considered it good season to reflect and change, like ate leaves on the trees that surrounded him.
The walk was peaceful- dare he say happy. But he hadn't truly felt happy since his brother's passing. Even Rian couldn't change that.
Rian. Alex smiled softly yet sadly at his name. He knew if he'd never developed feelings for Rian, his brother wouldn't be gone. And it's not like it was the slightest worth it- Rian was straight, and made that known to Alex. Alex and him were still friends, though, because Rian was a good guy and was honestly scared Alex's fate would match Thomas', and Rian couldn't bare it.
He'd even asked Alex if he wanted to date, if that'd make him happy. Alex cringed at the memory, Rian teary-eyed just begging Alex to tell him how to make him happy. Rian just wanted Alex to be that happy soul again. But that Alex was long gone- he died with Thomas. And it killed both Alex and Rian every day.
Alex shook his head violently, as if trying to shake away all the thoughts. He just needed to go to the one place he could think. The park.
The largest park in their town. And the park he'd spent so many summers with Thomas. Alex smiled longingly and turned the corner, but paused seeing a shadow in front of him, on the bench he wanted to sit on.
That bench helped him write. And Jesus, it was one in the morning.
But as he got closer, he stopped dead in his tracks.
The small light above him pointed out his gorgeous features. His dark hair, with blond streaked through it. His large, dark eyes that looked glazed over, and blank, almost an ominous blackness to them. Alex faintly made out a tear sliding down his cheek and a cigarette in his mouth.
The boy was sat awkwardly slumped over, hiding something securely in his hands, almost lovingly. Alex raised an eyebrow, but his breath caught in a small gasp when he saw the faint flickering of light bounce off of it. That black metal. The boy was holding a pistol. A gun. Suicide.
Alex's body screamed in agony. Should he really interfere? What if the boy was just carrying a gun for safety? Or he could be a criminal. Alex couldn't make assumptions. But he couldn't help notice that familiar glimmer in his eyes, the glimmer that once shone in Thomas' eyes, the last day he saw him alive.
He watched him toss the cigarette, as he noticed he was full-blown sobbing now. Alex's stomach clenched. He was right.
The nameless boy took the gun and pointed to his own head, closing his eyes. That's when Alex started running towards him. His lungs screamed for air as he heard the boy speak, or scream, for the first time, his voice lined with regret, and pain.
"I'm sorry I wasnt enough, Matt. I'm so, so sorry."
And with that, Alex screamed "wait!", smacking the gun as it shot and falling into his lap with a thud, sweating profusely and unable to move. The gun had went off. He hadn't saved him. It was over.
But he couldn't help but feel a tinge of hope as he swore he felt a flicker of movement. Just a flicker, but enough to send joy and hope coursing through his body. Maybe, just maybe.
A/N: Title inspiration- Hero by Skillet
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