Jack's mind spun as the stirred a little, opening his eyes to see a figure sprawled out across him. A few seconds ago he was about to take his own life, but now he was laying on the ground with someone laying half on him? Shock bombarded his thoughts as he tried to pull himself together. What the fuck just happened?
The stranger finally stirred enough to look up at Jack, and his deep brown eyes met Jack's almost immediately as Jack noticed the boy had been crying too.
Obviously just as shaken as Jack, the boy tried to collect himself as he struggled off of the startled victim to sit beside him, his eyes trailing off to his own feet. "I-I'm sorry." The stranger's voice was barely audible, so quiet that Jack wondered if he really heard it or not but dismissed it, gathering himself enough to stand.
Only then Jack noticed he was shaking as his eyes found the gun laying a few feet from the boy that sat wide eyed in front of him, and Jack's previous thoughts came rushing back. The shock was replaced with anger. Jack was furious. Livid. Who did this guy think he was?
Clenching his fists, he turned and began walking away from the boy who ruined his escape, hearing him shout something before noticing a hand had laid on his shoulder, spinning him around to face him. He once again found those beautiful eyes, but only this time did he notice the fear. The agony. The pure concern. It left Jack feeling...empty. And he didn't know why.
But Jack was too stubborn to fall for a pair of eyes so quickly.
The freezing winds whipped around them like the feeling in Jack's gut as his nails dug into his palms, in attempt to refrain from hitting the stranger as he relinquished his grasp on Jack. But as the boy's eyes fell to his feet, Jack felt a tinge of guilt.
"W-why did you do that?" Jack growled weakly, barely recognizing his own voice. It was hoarse, and pathetic, as hard as he tried to make it sound confident.
Though the boy didn't seem to mind. He almost seemed grateful for the chance to explain himself.
"I...I don't know. I guess I just..." He stopped, sucking in a breath. "Come with me."
His warm hand found Jack's and he jumped at the contact, but found himself willingly following his new acquaintance to the bench before them. The bench he'd attempted suicide on. His and Matt's bench.
Great.
Pushing aside the thoughts, he decided to just listen to whatever lecture was going to come because hey, he wouldn't lie. The boy was cute, and maybe he'd explain why he fucked up Jack's chances at ending everything easily.
Sitting down, he looked to the man beside him as he stared at his knees, opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to speak but couldn't. Jack let out a grunt and thought about standing up and walking away again until he heard the boy speak, loud and clear.
"I lost my brother to suicide." Jack froze, and suddenly everything made sense. "He was bullied- because of me. I- because of my life decisions. He was so young, and had so much to live for. He was the greatest person I've ever had the privilege of meeting and...he didn't deserve his fate. Well, I guess I just couldn't watch the same thing happen to you."
Jack felt hot tears burn his eyes and threaten to spill at the words "didn't deserve his fate" but he nodded. He didn't dare speak.
"I- you see, I couldn't live with myself to know I could have stopped it if I didn't. And I know it's not my place nor my business but- man, I don't know you but I know you've probably got so much to live for. And people who love you. And-"
"Save it." Jack spits, the reminders of Matt not doing anything for the situation. "You don't know anything about me. You don't fucking know what I've done. What I've gone through." He stands, leaning to press his face closer to the stranger's, showing him he was serious.
"I-"
"Listen, you may be stronger than me in dealing with what you've gone through but I can't do this anyone. I'm giving up and I'd appreciate it if you'd stay the fucking hell out of my way, prick. Because I'm just not strong. I mean, fucking open your eyes and look," Jack revealed his heavily scarred arms as the stranger let out a horrified grasp, reaching a finger to touch them as Jack re-hid them and softened his voice. "I'm not strong. I'm weak. That was my way out. You ruined it. I deserve to die for what I did."
"You don't deserve to die. No one does."
"Yeah well Matt didn't either but he did because I was too pussy to be there for him. I killed him. I fucking killed him." His voice began to lower as he whispered the last words over and over.
I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.
But instead of looking at him with the same disgusted face Matt's parents had or his own friends had, this random stranger slowly stood up and wrapped him in a warm embrace as Jack let the tears flow freely now, sobbing into the other boy's shoulder.
"He- he was s-such a g-good g-guy. It's all m-my fault."
"No. Calm down. It's okay. I'm here for you."
Jack pulled away, eying the boy with weary tear-filled eyes. "You barely k-know me. You don't even know my name."
"Then tell me it."
"J-Jack." He hesitated before finishing. "Jack Barakat."
"Alex Gaskarth."
•
"Alex," Jack repeated as he nodded, staring deep into his eyes. "Alex, I'm so guilty. I fucked up so many lives, I destroy everything I touch, never once have I done anything good and dying seems like my only option. You have to understand I really can't go on."
The boy's voice was a barely audible whisper, quite the drastic change from his yelling but Alex would rather hear Jack yell then sound so broken. So absolutely defeated. It was heartbreaking.
"I know what it's like to hate yourself for your mistakes. To feel pain, and to feel worthless. If I never would have had a crush on a guy, my brother would still be here today. It's-"
"And if I would have taken a few beatings for Matt, he'd still be here today." Jack interrupted in a whisper.
Alex felt new tears rush to his eyes and laid a hand on Jack's shoulder as he felt something cold hit his bare skin, inwardly cursing forgetting there was a chance of snow.
"Jack, you just have to understand that fucked up things happen. Everyone makes mistakes. But please, please, never let them result to killing yourself. Please."
Alex was begging now, tears streaming down his cheeks as Jack let out a choked sob, nodding a bit. "T-tell me h-how, Alex. Tell me how to keep living and I'll do it."
Alex looked up into the boy's chocolate eyes and found sincerity as he wrapped his arms around him, whispering what he felt was the answer. "Find something to believe in, and believe it. Find your purpose, and fulfill it. There's a reason your here, Jack. And I'm really glad you are."
The snow became more prominent now as Jack shivered in Alex's arms, snow melting to water on both of them and in doing so making the autumn air impossibly unbearable for both of them.
Jack pulled away first, sniffling a bit as he looked downcast. "I guess I should go now. Thanks."
With that, Jack began walking away. Alex heart leapt to his throat as he struggled to keep the words down, but he couldn't. He couldn't let Jack go home do vulnerable.
"Jack!" He called and Jack spun around, hope lining his features. "My house is o-only a few blocks away. You shouldn't be out in this, and-" Jack rose an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. "Spend the night with me."
A/N: sorry this is really awkward right now- bear with me
Title from Therapy by All Time Low cause ajdhahshsj that song omg
Comment maybe? <3
