Pain In Love

#15

Chapter 14

A month passed, day and night also pass in a blink of eyes. Everything become drastically different. I am still dating Jeremy. But the feeling for Jeremy? I don't know.

Zach Hakimi also still dating the nerd, which happens to cause me pain. Every time if i passed him,he would plastered the cold expression or when he with the nerd he would smirk and snuggled the nerd closer to him which make me annoyed.

He did this on a purpose. He did this to hurt me. The video of him and the nerds happens to be spread like a fire in our school but he didn't even bothered about it,in facts he feel proud.

Proud of making my life upside down.

This passed few days Jeremy also acting different. I can sense him getting bored of me not giving him my affection like i used to.

I can sense him giving up on us. I don't know what's is wrong with me. But one the thing for sure I am no longer the normal Rin Adelia Park and i know my friends knew it too.

I will either plug my earphones listening to sad songs or lost in thought or stared on the skies. My grade drop immediately to C every subject which make me even depressed.

For my parents. They're different now. They're not the one who used to be so loving and cheerful. They're not the one who always making me laughed and smile at they're jokes anymore. They're just not them. They started to argue and fight more nowadays. Which happens to get worsen each day.

They didn't even bother to fight in front of me,they didn't even bother to make this end either. They didn't even bother to make our family like it used to be anymore.

The early breakfast tradition that i told you guys? There's no longer a tradition anymore. Every single day, they didn't even asked me,how i am,how my days, like they used to. They both even sleeping separately. Most of the time,i would lock myself on my bedroom.

This make it one of the reason why i'm like this. I suddenly feel numb. No emotions,no feelings. Despite i am still doing my  Vice Pres work,it's just doesn't feel the same. I just lost myself.

And I don't know when can i found them again.

I'm having a feeling that sooner or later,i will broke up with Jeremy. Either i'm the one who approach or him. I have to let him go,for his own good. For our own good. I am really thankful to him for loving me and cared for me even when i know I don't deserve him. But he deserves someone better. That someone is not me.

I know how you guys might think, i'm such a stupid and pathetic. How dramatically i became like this just because of Zach Hakimi the heartthrob that didn't even noticed my appearance,affected me. How a guy like him can just snap his fingers on me and make me like this. How that guy who knew that i love him,damage myself.

But watching him with another girl beside him snuggling and kissing, smiling and even laughing as if nothing happened while i'm here losing myself and my life. It's feel suffocating. Knowing that girl is not me. He knew that i like him, he knew that i love him but he hurt me anyway. Why is that? Am i not allowed to like someone? Am i forbidden to love someone? Yes this is indeed a oneside love. Since the day i met him 3 months ago,everything become different. My life becomes a mess.

The only thing that can make me escape is the skies. Even if i'm horribly damaged,skies still lighten my mood in somehow. My life is all about drama,i wonder when can i ever have an happy ending. My friends are trying their best to make me smile. Even in a little ways. I don't deserve them,i don't deserve a kind heart like them.

It's the matter of time. Time when i completely move on and get over this shit. Time when i can talk about this without any pain. Time when i can talk of this to someone.

Wanna know what is more painful? Is that I don't cry. That i don't even talk or smile or even laughed. The tears never went out from my eyes, the last time i was crying was a month ago,when the day that turned me like this.How i force myself to let out,but i just can't. The best way to let all of the pain way is to cry. I know. But i can't. It just won't come out.

Days passed by with nothing special but a pain each day. How ridiculously he's presence keep giving me pain. And i'm still wondering why do i still love him? Why do i still wait for him? And for a second i just lost in my thoughts again for the thousand times as Jessica shook my shoulder.

I looked up at them and found them already staring "hmm" my hummed came out unexpectedly hoarse.

They sighed and a single tear rolled on Veronica "Rin please talk to us" she whispered.

I blink a few times before looking at her emotionless. I don't know what to say no words come out from me.

"Rin you gotta let them out. You can't just keep them in you. The more you keep the more it hurts" Triah utterly.

I licked my dried chapped lips "hmm" i hummed again.

"i'm done" Veronica stood up from her seat,with a flooded tears on her eyes and went out the hideout.

I stared at her until she's out of my sight. I deserve to be treated like this. I deserve to be hated.

"Rin..please talk to us." Triah tried again.

I look out to the window,removing my eyes on them. I don't talk anymore,my mouth keep sealed and lock.

The others sigh,they already tried so hard to make me talk. They tried they're best to make me let it out. It's not just me in that in pain,they're too. But why did they stay?

I stare on the skies as usual asking myself why am i like this?why am i such a coward? Why can't i just talk? Why can i just move one? Millions more questions were in my head.

"You can't just turn us down like this Rin. You can't just walked out to other people life while the pain are not healed yet. Rin please." i heard Triah pleaded with a sob.

I shut my eyes closed as i heard more sobs and cries.

"one day" i whispered softly.

To be continued...

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