eyes ; ha yoonbin

11

yoonbin's pov

"we aren't that well off. i can say that my parents do earn enough to keep us going monthly. but my parents passed away last year due to a car crash. they had little savings but it could help us eat and pay for tuition fee. my sister and i had to stay with our grandma but she couldn't work too. so i have to work. i work for 6 days in a week. two types of job that pays me quite okay." i say. that was the most simplest way i could explain the situation. 

i didn't wanna go too in depth about everything. i'm not those type. unless someone asks or i'm willing to talk about it deeper. again, letting people know wouldn't put me in advantage. but right now, i'm literally saying all of these with a hope that Mr Jeon exempts me from the trip.

he looks at me with those pitiful looks in his eyes. he probably just came into realization on my life. my life isn't like those of the other kids in my class. our environment, our dreams, our families are all different. i can never have an environment like theirs. i can never have a family like theirs, even though we were happy as a family back when they were still by our side.

"oh i see, i know i'm of no help right now but i promise, i can give you mental support. i really cannot opt you out of the trip just because of that reason. but i can guarantee you, the school will subsidize up til you don't have to be financially worried about this trip" he says and he puts a hand on my shoulders.

somehow, i feel uneasy about this trip. i've never been on a trip since first year high school. like i've said, my parents only earned enough to keep us living so we just couldn't afford the trip prices even at the price where the school subsidize for the whole school. 

the school subsidizes 40% of the trip costs for everyone and if people apply for more subsidy, the school will look into the matter and subsidizes accordingly. even though i could have went through those process back in the last three years, i would be wasting the school's money as well.

first of all, i have no friends to go with. it's another day of walking and touring around. it gets really lonely when you're in a nice place with no one by your side, not gonna lie about that. secondly, i don't get the reason for school trips. bonding time? healing time? break from school time? what is it for? experience? lastly, it's just a waste of time. most of the time, i would be lazying around. i would probably stay in if we had a day to explore ourselves. 

"mm" was all i managed to spout out. i really hated the idea. as a person who has to treasure money a lot right now, i feel like every single time i breathe in jeju, i would feel like i'm spending 5,000 won already. 

"everything's gonna be alright, okay? i will be there on the trip so you can always be with me. i'll be with you. you know, i took up being a teacher because i wanted to make a change. back in my days, all the teachers only saw results. they don't see the sufferings in the students. they are just too much. i don't want the future generations to be like that so i stepped in and i wish to let people get my message before i reach my retirement ages. even though sometimes, i just sound like those teachers, it's because i care. i hope you know that and become more comfortable with me" he says a paragraph and when i look at him, he's looking up at the clouds. 

what he just said was so dramatic but i could feel his sincerity in his words. i feel like i could learn something but i don't know what it is. 

[ honestly, with things happening today, i'm really scared for 2019 to come. everything's a wreck and i didn't plan to end my 2018 like this nor did i plan to start my 2019 with this mood. there's so many things going on. no hate or shade intended right here but honestly, i just feel like the fact that treasure fans or whatever you call them, can vote is somehow unfair. some trainees are more popular than other trainees and we cannot deny the fact that if the public votes, the more popular would win. and the fact that golden and silver card is just based on pure luck is just crap. sorry but i have to say it. imagine if someone not so popular picks the public or whatever card it is, no matter how talented he is, he will just lose it. everyone in yg treasure box is talented but it would be wasted if you're already there but then you get dragged down because you're not so popular. i don't know if it's just me or does someone else thinks so too? i wrote a lot so peace out ]

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